08 February 2010 - cosmic disillusionment
finished book three of the year, the aforementioned keller, in addition to home buying for dummies. i like how he opens up a Biblical naarative for each chapter/topic, shedding new insights all over the place. in the love chapter (love is not all you need) he talks about how through all of life there runs a ground note of cosmic disillusionment. how no matter what we put our hopes in, in the morning, --it is always Leah, never Rachel--. things here never quite keep their promise, even the best of things. we see this in all of our lives, but especially in the things upon which we most set our hopes. there are several ways people respond to this, but the best is reorienting the entire focus of your life on God. as cs lewis put it- if i find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that i was made for another world.
06 February 2010 - follow the leader
it can be hard to follow a leader who is error prone, or even whose good qualities tend towards inefficiency. when you are going into a battle, the stakes are even higher. you want someone you can trust to follow when it's all on the line. and so how good it is to follow someone who is trustworthy and true... someone who perfectly leads even through the valley of the shadow of death. and someone who when it all was on the line took the fall to get us there... when we wouldn't have made it on our own.
04 February 2010 - tyranny of the urgent
ran across my old 'tyranny of the urgent' printout. a good read for me any time. here's some of it..."The gospel records show that Jesus worked hard. . .Yet His life was never feverish; He had time for people. . .Here is the secret of Jesus' life and work for God: He prayerfully waited for His Father's instructions and for the strength to follow them...He discerned his Father's will day by day in a life of prayer. By this means He warded off the urgent and accomplished the important." He went on to talk how the root of sin is self-sufficiency and how the opposite is prayerful waiting on God and meditating on His Word. It's not God who loads us till we crack. He knows our limitations. Jesus didnt finish all the urgent tasks in Palestine...but He did finish the work which God gave Him to do. And sometimes that meant being interrupted.
24 January 2010 - a little princess
finished first book of year. one of the big themes was that of belonging. becoming family is an amazing thing. and i think that is also one of the best invitations of the christian faith... to be called part of a family. to be loved like _that_. to have brothers and sisters to clown with, cry with, and drink tea.
"You set in Your family/ Calling me Your own/ Now I, I belong to You" hillsong
"if you are longing for a place of belonging, the Home you've dreamed of is waiting for you" geoff moore
and like in the story even in the no good down duldrums days where noone appreciates us we go on with the faith of a little princess even when we taste hunger and feel cold. caring for others amidst the ache. we do have an inheritance, and a Father who dotes on us. whose fortune provides for us even in our sleep.
22 January 2010 - syrupy sweet
we went ice skating and i didn't fall once the entire time, even in fast races whirring between a sea of others.
21 January 2010 - witness
cleveland, so i'm thinking what it means to be a witness. like the time near the end of mj's career, we got seats in the way up, just to see him. and of course i think of acts 1:8, witnesses local, farther, and even to the ends of the earth. a witness by nature is a contagious thing, right... when you see something great, how do you not tell others. and then they want to see too. how much more when it's not just the greatest at something, but the greatest Someone. which leads to perhaps the most interesting verse including witnesses- "since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
20 January 2010 - song of the day
oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all... How He Loves
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves!
19 January 2010 - cut up
i fittingly cut myself at work today in my hurried maneuvering with my staple remover.
"And as for us, why do we endanger ourselves every hour? I die every day—I mean that, brothers— just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord. If I fought wild beasts in Ephesus for merely human reasons, what have I gained?" 1 corin. 15
"see in it a chance to die" a. carmichael
15 January 2010 - leadership
it's been said, "Leadership is figuring out what needs to be done and then doing it."
i'm far more likely to take the lead when the void is clear, and the stakes are high. but when there are others who could or should lead the way, i am much much more likely to sit in the background. still need to figure out how to lead the other times i should lead and how to get things done when i'm not the one in position to do them.
14 January 2010 - the far-off country
you're overdue for some lewis, weight of glory- "there is something self-defeating about human desire: that which is desired, when achieved, seems to leave the desire unsatisfied. the books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust them; it was not in them, in only came through them, and what came through them was longing. these things- the beauty, the memory of our own past- are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. for they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have not visited."
13 January 2010 - God's mercy
tough night, but through it lessons on God's mercy. oh the times, many times, when we don't do what we should. even when we know the consequences. and yet. and yet, He does not treat us as our sins deserve... He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust. He knows the cost, but was willing to pay it Himself. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion...
12 January 2010 - keep us from just singing
thinking about this song, and my mom's thoughts. partial lyrics follow...
God of Justice, Saviour to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served
We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord
Acting humbly
Loving mercy
We must go, we must go
To the broken
And the hurting
We must go, we must go
11 January 2010 - He cares for you
we were about to land on one of the most dangerous runways in the world, me and my team that i was leading to a country not only of a different language and culture, but also one in the midst of post-coup uncertainty, just hoping to serve. . .when through the plane window, a mere 50 yards from where our plane was landing, something familiar in the midst of all the unexpected... pizza hut. it was exciting enough just to see it, but it turns out we were going there for lunch! the organization could not know of my pizza hut love, but God did. so we started out the trip eating pizza and drinking banana soda. and the picture of me and my spectacular, multifarious group of friends there graces the background of my computer screen, a reminder of God's great love and care for me.
10 January 2010 - can't stop
good sermon on philippians 3. paul didn't stop because of his handicaps. paul didn't get stuck on past sins & failures. he was not stopped because of other's failures. and we shouldn't get stuck on successes.
how many things that we do started in failure? eating, walking... it doesn't matter that you fail many times if eventually you do it well. meanwhile, you can choose to use even your weakness for the glory of God.
5 January 2010 - failure is victory
maybe you've heard this illustration before... 2 groups of people were in a contest to make the best pots, but they were secretly given different instructions. 1 group was told to each make the best pot they could in the time allowed. the other group was told to make as many pots as they could in the same amount of time. the winner? in each instance, the best pots came from the people told to make as many as they could. the repetition and missteps proved a stronger pot-builder than focussed attention without practice. sometimes we just have to keep at it.
2 January 2010 - on the thing we most want
read just the start of my christmas present book, keller's 'counterfeit gods' and already good. even people who _got_ what they most longed for ended up ruining it precisely because of the implications of the thing holding a greater place than it should... the block didn't fit in the hole and so the edge's burst under the repeated strain.
and somehow this helps me with lewis' whole toffee later notion. i see, once again, it's actually grace. while it may not be quite the same excitement as a kid eating candy, there is a different level of satisfaction of being able to eat candy whenever you want when grown up... in the context of knowing, not only its goodness, but its possible dangers. and yet to eat candy in that proper perspective it can be all the more satisfying. it is good, but it's not ultimate. it's just a gift, and how much greater is the Giver!
01 January 2010 - year in review
where 2008 was a year of beginnings, 2009 was a year of continuations… from the first full year in a new church building to a continuation of desires to love the children of the world to celebrating an anniversary, just to name a few. there were also the usual continuations for which I am thankful; from (especially) times with friends from near and far, to celebrations, such as 2 weddings and a lot of birthdays, returns, the flower show, koja, and more… and the extant rhythm of life, all the way from the hard times in may to the most spectacular first week of december (or as cold pirates like to say 'decemburrrrr').
2009 included watching God provide not only a trip, but a team of 10 no less, to go to Honduras. From trip prep to team meetings to the trip itself, it was a substantial part of the year. But how great it was to be able to not only voyage with dear friends but to make new ones and learn from children and people that God loves in another part of the world.
meanwhile loving kids back in philly too… even when they cry. Learning together about the kids of the Bible, singing 'Promises', having to be ready to improvise at times. Being able to devote more time to orginization and ideas. Also…a baptism, yg starting, miscommunication, growing and praying.
reaching 10 years at my 'third job' of the year. After much studying the first half of the year, again not passing my exam, thus taking a welcome break from studying. my computer exploding at work, and subsequent restricted site access for all…. But at least there were also the 10th yr of Friday lunches.
year in travel- my first cross country road trip, with stops in: seattle-san fran-vegas-zion-grand canyon-new mexico-wyoming-nebraska-chicago-indy-columbus- and home. elsewise: b'more x2, chicago again, ny foliage, beach, princeton, susquehanna state park, shenandoah national park, VA, and teguc. and locally visiting 6 of philly's amazing gardens!
memorable eating- jim's w. phila, tacconelli's (finally), beef chow fun, dukboki, pre-honduras team meals, gino's east, toasted almond, pepsi throwback, licuados, from cactus to cactus cooler, franklin fountain, soup & grilled cheese, rita's, party pizza, mongolian grill, postobon, and a whole lot of korean highlights, from best kalbi to the elkins park double, ayce to my own koreations to mem. day taeji. . .a delicious year!
sports related- "a 6 foot guard from Georgetown…" the saga of to memphis, then the unthinkable; to philly, and already happening to have tickets to his first game back. Well you say 'happened', I know better… the gators and penguins winning it all, the nuggets playoff run. Watching melo's playoff buzzer beater with kw. getting to see the ncaa's and the confed cup. MLS to phila. All Star weekend. Santino. tough soccer demotion, but then fighting to go back up. Another lza championship loss, subsequent redraft.
funny- "We're good… No, we're good", do you know what the chapter was about?.. Yeah, George Mueller prayed and God provided for orphans. How NOT to cut a jackfruit. Singing 'God loves the postman'. and of course there were others.
ok, i think it's now time for the moments of 2009, free flowin'....... snow angels, big hugs, reading through the Bible, lisa, hb and hb, scotland letters, first victory, uncanny similarities, surprise gifts like island lime, tired penguin, laptop note, God's creation is beautiful, seashells, bee sting, hot sauce, losing in settlers, textability, amazing afe hug fest, best double date ever, needing to exercise, welcome homes, bike meets grate, bedtime routines, needing alone time, jacuzzi, pcom grad, aquamarine, outdoor movie, car lockout, used bikes are the best, the kick return marathon, paris hotel, breaking at Ihop, no more tv, bike races, research, sweatshirts, country sleepover, silence, seeing all 50 license plates, mukisa, delayed honking, alternative easter, brothers, bike freestylin' & singing, dn retreat, new sg, new laptop, sleeping beauty mountain, praying for tears, 40th anniversary, hard convos, ethiopian voting, house hunting, summer study, making a snowman family, many kinds of difficult struggles of friends, not living the ideal life, hard fasting, almost endings, wonderful new year's day, engagements, sundays in the park, calendar, philly 50, fbs slimdown, timelines, cleveland excitement, uganda, rainouts of many kinds, old college essays, accountabilities, video chat, birthday scavenge, beautiful, awesome wns, picnic, neice dedication, travel agent, birth, God proyect, I'm still broken, early thanksgiving, penn grad, moveout, Wednesday help, prayer closet, 2 on 2 soccer, prayer from friends, prayer by friends, valentine's day, senor futbol, "dhink, dhink, dhink", make your own pizza, family visits, sandwiches not found, grace not run after, 23 inches of snow, a philly 4th, communication is hard, God's knowing love is sweet, bad days, improvement, hillsong united concert, rest of life kind of ….,answered prayers, like Zechariah, prayer cards, august tears, finding mello on our long journey. . .
some things have already been said here. Some are worth repeating. You can't build your own history, because sometimes it just happens. It is great to know a God who makes everything beautiful in its time. 2010 could be a hard year in many ways (but what do i know). But if the forecast goes as planned, mello yello at least will be back. And then free flow will really be here. But for the rest of it, the vast majority of what lies ahead in life- the unknown, may we resolve to know Him more, to love others better, to give generously, to live tenaciously, and to run with the joy of a little child.
31 December 2009 - year in books
books read in 2009:
Bible
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller
A Praying Life by Paul Miller
The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo
Escaping North Korea by Mike Kim
The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller
The Family Nobody Wanted by Helen Doss
Tales of the Resistance by David and Karen Mains
Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home by Richard Foster
Your Personal Penguin by Sandra Boynton
Cities: Missions New Frontier by Roger Greenway and Timothy Monsma
A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken
Leaf by Niggle by J.R.R. Tolkien
When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbett & Brian Fikkert
Come Thirsty by Max Lucado
The Giver by Lois Lowry
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle (on tape)
some great reads on this list! i think that is all, aside from several short children's books... and the following, still in progress:
A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett
The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan
Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby and Claude King
The Autobiography of George Mueller
The Breaks of the Game by David Halberstam
and yes, the Complete Works of E.M. Bounds on Prayer
21 December 2009 - Je me souviens
history definitely repeats itself. but we can't repeat history. which is why the time machine of nostalgia is interesting... it takes us to that place we ache to go again. not sure what to do with this, except the Book says- don't say why were the old days better than this. we shouldn't try to recreate what was. our failings do enough of that on their own. and as for good things in life... they are usually best when they just come on their own, unexpected, but brilliant, and yes, memorable.
17 December 2009 - beautiful
thankful. wrote a song that seems to go well with yesterday's sermon. excerpt: 'and it was all very so unexpected. because even hope had stopped coming around. when out of nowhere there shown in its glory the object once lost that now was profound. and maybe redemption has stories to tell...' pray for me.
16 December 2009 - hope
listened to a helpful sermon on zechariah and elizabeth. it was really good. "Zechariah, your prayer has been heard." not only the prayer that he and his wife had probably stopped praying, but even bigger for Israel. then the faith lessons would continue, through silence, and john's life. the words came true at the proper time. and when zechariah spoke agin, he was praising God.
14 December 2009 - we go by faith
want to think more about romans 14. "everything that does not come from faith is sin." mutual edification. acting in love. righteousness, peace, and joy. If we live, we live to the Lord. to our own master we stand or fall.
10 December 2009 - Someone who carries grace in His pockets
there are some situations where it seems that nothing can make them better. but that is one of the great things about knowing Jesus. that situation is never 'final answer'. i always think of the words of those on the emmaeus road - "We had hoped he would that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel..." and yet he was dead. except that He wasn't. He was actually walking beside them through it. Just like He can do with us on our emptiest days.
6 December 2009 - surprises
good sermon from p. jeremy on Gabriel's visit to Mary. what a surprise it must have been... and isn't that how life can be for us? but we have to choose to enter in to it. it might not be what we are expecting, it might not be what we were thinking. . .but not sure we would want a God that we could understand. and what is better than His surprises. Especially this one, that brought the Saviour of the world. "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said."
3 December 2009 - a day of uncomfortable chairs
in humility consider others better than yourselves...
[He] made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
2 December 2009 - a spectacular start to december
mello yello is back. Or _will_ be. An advertising firm was hired specifically for the brand. And come the second half of 2010, there will be free flow.
speaking of obvious bright ideas… Allen Iverson is back. It is like a dream. That seemed impossible. _especially_ 2 weeks ago. Or really really impossible 3 years ago. But the time was right. And allen iverson jerseys again can be seen in philadelphia.
sometimes, the time is just right. Houses, fields, and vineyards will again be bought in this land. There will again be pastures. . .
1 December 2009 - it's a hard knock life for us
listened to a jay-z interview, and he talked about the song 'it's a hard knock life', and how a song from Annie could become a hip-hop hit. and it's interesting to think of the connections between orphan annie, and those who grew up in the inner city from jay-z to the knicks and nets that he high-fives to my kids. And I think how some nba players are misunderstood. (And to whom much is given much is tested.) And I think how much I have always loved the nba. and how sometimes eph. 2:10 is manifest by the God infused dna that at some point becomes latent when you're walking in it- those good works you were made for. which perhaps explains why some things you feel destined for.
18 November 2009 - now i see
sometimes when i first watch a dvd, after the movie is over, i'll rewatch the very beginning. because usually in those first few moments, there is something in there that intimates what is to come. but you may not catch the significance the first time through. this, related to thoughts on a day off bike ride, and poetry interrupted by the arrival of my spicy pork with eggplant.
14 November 2009 - how to be a humble, bold, liver
d miller managed to top him self yet again. this time telling such the stories, which proved to elucidate his own. and these stories arrive in the context of life as story- a character who wants something (more than anything) and overcomes conflict to get it. and yet how much of our lives are about avoiding conflict, craving comfort and order instead. over and over, we're told not to fear. and yet often it still takes something to make us run.
life could be magical if we take a few risks, a story full of whimsy. going against the force that wants us to create meaningless stories and not good ones. stressful and tiring perhaps- but definitely not meaningless.
and great stories have memorable scenes. those days where we work harder to make a day stand out. even if it might cost, looking back we see life in the simple, in the photographs, the memories that will be our souvenirs.
even for a tree in the story of a forest, nobody gets to watch the parade. we're in this with others, guys who are just guys, girls who are just girls. but called to an extravagant love.
8 November 2009 - still waiting
"On this mountain the LORD Almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples, a banquet of aged wine-- the best of meats and the finest of wines. On this mountain he will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers all the nations; he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken. In that day they will say, 'Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation." isaiah 25
7 November 2009 - when i rise, give me Jesus
finally saw groundhog day. What are the implications that we only live each day once? How then should we live? and how should we live not having to relive the shadows of the past? his mercies new every morning, so opposite that alarm clock he would wake too…
5 November 2009 - a severe mercy
though I really was trying to not read as much, I couldn't help it with this find. A Severe Mercy, by S. Vanauken. Intriguing on many different levels, I just gobbled it up. Once again, it was lewis who more concisely put what I experienced but could only partially label. be it in answered prayer or unanswered prayer, a severe mercy just about says it.
4 November 2009 - buck up
praying for courage. the best life is a courageous one (among many things).
is it possible to be desperate to be desperate...
3 November 2009 - the children shouting
read this the day after I taught it in Sunday school. Somehow never got the whole role of kids in this happening before- the children shouting in the temple area 'Hosanna to the Son of David', right after the triumphal entry. the teachers of the law were indignant- do you hear what these children are saying?
and Jesus quoted back to them the psalm 8 verse, from the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise
2 November 2009 - where is your faith?
what would it have looked like for the disciples to appropriate their faith to their fear in the midst of the storm… what does it look like for us to appropriate our faith. sometimes it is playing a song. Or singing a song as you bike along.
"wish I could pray the way my friends do back home… but this is what I have been given, and I will make the best I can"
29 October 2009 - timelines
i think i finally figured something out. timelines make me cry. hey, i'll take it. nowhere is God's sovereign shepherding seen so clear as in retrospect. even with things long gone, the annals leave clues. like king xerxes reading history when he can't sleep. and one timeline connect4's another... even when pictures are the only remnant, like the trace of storefront letters long gone, they intimate the hyper-story of an even greater grace woven through the years.
28 October 2009 - is it safe to land?
and the nba season is here! and music is back in a listenable format at my computer at work... a big help. you don't build a tower unless you know it is safe to land. more gospel reading. just a sampling follows. Jesus saying Scripture cannot be broken... and what is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight.
be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning. this at least a partial repost, but the time is again right, "Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eat'? Would he not rather say, 'Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' "
27 October 2009 - redefinition
you can't always see it. but sometimes it is still there. "The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the kingdom of God is within you." Jesus
22 October 2009 - cdg
one of those days where things were just going wrong, including the bike. but had some mello on the roof, concocted a delight in God plan.
and started the new don miller book. so far, so good. life as story. interesting contrast between someone who doesn't see there life as going anywhere, and the implications of that, versus life with a destination in mind, a kingdom. and then i read Jesus words the next day- I know where I came from and where I am going.
21 October 2009 - you salty
six kids tonight.
meanwhile, check it out, from Mark 9:50- "Have salt in yourselves"
19 October 2009 - herb & butter
i figured out i've been reading more than i realized. i finished the cities book. the many different chapters were interesting, but perhaps the most relevant was the survey chapter on living intentionally in the city. like-minded community is nearly essential.
17 October 2009 - lost and found
fall road trip! on which almost all of us lost items. but thankfully, they were, for the most part, found. it is only items of worth that you go searching for. if you lose a penny, it's not that big a deal. but there are other items for which you retrace the path, backtrack for. and when it is found- rejoice! just like the searcher, peering out that window, waiting for his son to come home. and as a movie reminded me, there's some people who more than anything else in the world, just want to be found.
it was a five hour hike in total, up and down sleeping beauty mountain. but we almost missed the summit! directions and signs weren't really clear. we almost turned back, or went down another way. but a mere 50 yards from the top, some helpful others without asking pointed us to the top. and when we got there, we were sure glad. an amazing panoramic view, color splashed trees in every direction... well worth the hike. we found what we were looking for after all. sometimes you have to just keep going a little bit more.
14 October 2009 - a praying life
finished reading the oft recommended new paul miller book, A Praying Life, and I can add my rec. as well. In addition to addressing some prayer struggles I had thought about, it ended up offering some helpful practicalities as well. It has already helped me rethink how I journal. And it served to give me new ideas how to better intercede persistently for people, an improved reformulation of an old techinique whose habit i should restart.
11 October 2009 - sunday in the park
a nice sunday at one of my favorite philly parks... reading good stuff in the gospels. * Jesus redefining family again, not only father, but mother, brothers... * Jesus and busyness- My father is at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working. even amidst retreating, he was busy with the people that came to him there. one time he couldn't even eat, and his family came to get him saying, "He is out of his mind". * Woe to you who are rich- you have already received your comfort. * Why do you say to me- Lord, Lord, and not do what I say?
7 October 2009 - purple mountains majesty
we've been going through children of the Bible on wednesday nights. there's a lot, if you think about it that way...and it's been good to learn more about them.
we've also been using a lot of crayons, and noting their interesting names. the kids prohibitive favorite is shocking pink. i just checked crayola's website. check out all the colors just with a purple hue- blue violet, cerise, eggplant, fuchsia, lavender, mulberry, orchid, plum, purple heart, purple mountain's majesty, purple pizzazz, red violet, royal purple, violet (purple), vivid violet, wisteria. not to mention vastly different colors like timberwolf, gold, and aquamarine. as i read out the names to the kids, it reminds me of how creative God is... splashing purple pizzazz here and there from orchids to the sky, especially these days with leaves ranging from golden yellow to green to orange red speckles...
29 September 2009 - 32
and i can live through anything if magic made it.
28 September 2009 - there's a stirring
zerubbabel, who was like the LORD's signet ring, had his heart stirred at a particular time, along with Joshua on a specific day, and they came and began to work on the house of the LORD.
praying it in, stirring on my bike, finally.
26 September 2009 - still eating
i had a party today. sometimes you have to make your own pizza. and if its mine- that's bulgoki, mandarin orange, scallion, roasted garlic goodness. . .mmm.
24 September 2009 - shallow or ideal...
still pondering what an ideal day would look like, in terms of a daily schedule. how much sleep, how much exercise, prayer, etc. obviously many think it would be ideal if there were more than 24 hours in a 24 hour day. but aside from that, wondering how to ever move closer to those ideals as compared to reality. as i read- shallow prayers = shallow lives.
23 September 2009 - consequences or truth
loved reading through esther this time around, noticed a lot of details i didn't notice before, not all of which i will recapitulate here, rather leaving you room for discovery as well from the richness of the Word. but 2 themes to note- first there's a proverb that describes well haman's folly. it goes- "If a man digs a pit, he will fall into it; if a man rolls a stone, it will roll back on him." Not only did his own schemes like the gallows come back on his own head (literally), but even his decree, ended up entitling the jews to kill 800 of their enemies just in susa, including his sons.
and secondly, the grandness of the king. how vast was his empire. how enabling was his command. even his horses- fast, especially bred for the king. and it is into that situation, that an orphan girl comes and in the place where one was summoned and did not come, she comes when she was not summoned... and when the king saw her he was pleased. he extended the sceptor of his favor. and she still had to plead for her people. but the king heard her cries, and her people were saved. joy and gladness filled the streets.
19 September 2009 - strength in lack of numbers
conversation with a good reminder about numbers and their lack.
of course who wouldn't want to see more people come to a good place, a place where they can see God and His greatness. But in many ways, that is out of our hands, and so all the more the focus should be on pleasing God with what is at hand, in front of you. The less people, the more personal attention and love can be given. And if it is a 'God project', He's the one that will bring the increase anyway. Just you wait. Sow and wait, love and reap, that is.
16 September 2009 - times for faith
the button to my floor on one of the elevators at my office doesn't work. the rest do.
if you didn't know this, surely you would press it a few times, to make sure it would stop. but if you do... you can press it one time confidently even when other people walk in, assuming you forgot to push any button.
once when i was growing up i prayed and prayed for this one soccer game later that day, over and over that we would win. i thought surely by the sheer number of times i would pray about it, that might be enough to overcome the strength of the other team. while there are definitely times for frantic button pressing prayers.. there are also times to just press the button, and retreat to the back of the elevator. . .knowing that we have been heard.
14 September 2009 - hint: it's not looks
got to see all of (the newer) Hunchback for the first time since it was in the theatre. one of the reasons it is good is how effectively it contrasts what makes a monster and what makes a man. and in that vein, if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. and if the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness. . .
12 September 2009 - time to start training
sadly cleaning out my closet is a little like when the israelites discovered the book of the law. oh, -that's- what that was all about... but with that comes the flip side- renewed purpose to make use of what was found.
ai to memphis. and he still amazes me. hoping to turn memphis into a winner, embarassing even management in their expectations. this in the face of more naysay than any player his caliber has received by far.
meanwhile all the summer nba talk of players and their training makes me really see... physical training _is_ of some value. (and i could use some, esp. for this soccer season). but it goes on. . .godliness has value for all things. train yourself to be godly. we beat our bodies. . .everyone in the nba goes into strict training (well, most everybody)... they do it to get a trophy that will not last. but we to get a crown that will last forever. and all the teams play, but only one gets the prize. and we are to run in such a way as to win the prize.
08 September 2009 - sameness amidst change
ten. a little crazy. a little misty. first day and its bringings. currently reading: the family nobody wanted. currently drinking: mello yello
01 September 2009 - favorite month
yes for september. sermons are back, fall is coming, prayer was walking.
31 August 2009 - perspective
'if those who do not deserve to drink the cup must drink it, why should you go unpunished?'
'why should any living man complain when punished for his sins?'
'yet i will restore the fortunes of Moab...'
29 August 2009 - the return of the king
thespia loved the king - "the one who was strong but not brutal, who could laugh with joy and weep with freedom... who told stories to children and gentled the fears of the old, whom the young men followed because he was the bravest of all, who found beauty in the ugly, and whose very words spoke hope."
have you ever heard of a kingdom where outcasts were welcomed, where every orphan had a home?
and she became a street player in the back alleys...acting out the King's story in such a way that all who saw her suspected-then hoped- that there was a real kingdom.
25 August 2009 - waterworks
"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling." Exodus 15:13
"She who was barren has borne seven children, but she who has had many sons pines away. . .The LORD sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts. He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor. "For the foundations of the earth are the LORD's; upon them he has set the world." from 1 Samuel 2
24 August 2009 - real life faith
back from Honduras... it was good to hear stories of all God is doing there, and to be a part of it, and to look forward, with hope.
at one point, George Muller was mentioned. It is one thing to have been reading about his life of faith this summer, it is another thing to be able to see similar faith lived out for children today. believing God's word, and praying for God to provide for great needs. what the faith of a little child can accomplish is remarkable.
18 August 2009 - how grace garden grows
some plant. some water. "neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who makes it grow."
Senor Futbol had the same words for all... but the responses were vastly different. soil matters too.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
14 August 2009 - a King's man
back to a favorite book series, just in time, as we prepare to leave for our trip to Honduras...
what he loved most in the world was the King and to be a King's man and to do the King's work.
voice of the King- it is time. it is time to begin the restoration of the kingdom. I need a King's man with a hero's heart. will you come?
when one belongs to the kingdom he is never alone in the terrible places of the world; he can always hear the single, clear note hum.
7 August 2009 - to see Him
"what has happened to all your joy?" oh the cares of this world that can come and crowd us out... choking truth we once knew and held dear. and more than that, blocking the view of the One on whom we should ever set our gaze, the true joy giver. it is the persistent seed that seeks the source of growth and avoids the perils around him that grows. oh to see Him, the one who sees us, remembers us, knows us, loves us. children reveling in a Father's love, free from all that would try to hold us down.
6 August 2009 - You are stronger
song of the week for sho': You are stronger you are stronger, Sin is broken you have saved me, it is written Christ is risen, Jesus you are Lord of all- Hillsong.
"be our strength every morning" Word
1 August 2009 - a garden read
finally finished foster on prayer while enjoying philadelphia's gardens, really good book... many things, here's just 1, not even on prayer, but related to a topic who's truth to me is ever poignant. the curse made work change to be by the sweat of our brow. 1 of the clearest signs of grace is when the results of our labor are far in excess of the amount of work we do. the 2 sides of input vs. output comes up all over the Bible... the all for nothing is expected because of the curse. but sometimes there is grace. because of Him we can sometimes eat the fruit of the vineyard, and see the flowers spring up from the dirt.
31 July 2009 - just to be with You
and July ends... on the roof, with the One who can move me like no other. oh for more being, less doing. worried about many things... but only 1 is needful. i want to be Yours. all of the way all of the day. You are my help. i give you my burdens, because You care for me.
23 July 2009 - the way there
old thought. but there is something to be said for the way there. you could drive to cityline target. or you could ride your bike. and you'd end up at the same place. but it would be an entirely different experience. and thinking about this whole trip preparation process... the journey matters, the road, the way. and the Shepherd leads us on through it. With the actual endgame somewhat shaped by the road we took to get there, wherever it leads.
22 July 2009 - rest easy
good to remember on another 2am night. who has asked this of you? if i were to compare what He really wants for us vs. all my strivings, it would be quite different. from isaiah- in repentance and rest is your salvation.
and finally thinking of those words- come unto me all who are weary and heavy laden, and i will give you rest. . . i will give you rest... for my yoke is easy. and my burden light.
19 July 2009 - sabbath
have i mentioned recently how Sundays are the best? because i know i've mentioned it. from a baptism, to a convo on heaven from someone almost there, to pDA sermons, to reading in the park about breath prayers. ahhhhhhh. . .
18 July 2009 - why did He come
back to reading...current book started with a chapter about why Jesus came to earth, and the implications of that. it is dangerous to fall too far to one side of the spectrum without the other, we should be people who seek the King and the kingdom, and the comprehensive healing it brings. to be those who rejoice in His triumph and who say come Lord Jesus, come.
17 July 2009 - applying truth
nice friday. including dominoes and Bible study, finding old valentine's from little friends, among other things. . . there is something to be said for speaking truth into someone's situation. it is one thing to hear and listen to someone's problem. a whole nother to appropriate God's truth into the picture.
15 July 2009 - lessons from jonah and friends
it wasn't until the fish that Jonah prayed. everyone else was already crying out. the storm and the fish were obeying, not jonah. he went all the way to the bottom, wrapped in seaweed, before he was rescued. and a dear friend, sharing similar sentiments about prayer... often it is that knowledge of neediness that brings us to true prayer. if we really knew our state, we would be praying more.
14 July 2009 - accountability
accountability is a great thing, especially for a burning stick snatched from the flames. as it says in proverbs- he who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
12 July 2009 - clarity
a convo with mother theresa on seeking a clear answer on how to best spend the rest of his life- "Pray that I have clarity." She said firmly, "No, I will not do that." when he asked her why, she said, "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of." When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God."
10 July 2009 - what joy is found
went to a Bible study... realized it had been quite some time since i'd gotten to do that. we talked about work and rest. we have a Sabbath not only because God rested, but also because God delivered us. sg + roof = good night indeed.
What joy is found * In communion with You * Beholding Your beauty * And knowing Your truth * And living a life * That pleases Your heart * Responding with praises * To all that You are...
Singing Oh how lovely Is the King in all His glory Is the Christ who is Holy Who was, and who is
And how amazing Is His love so unfailing Is His grace that draws us near
9 July 2009 - invitacion fountain
there is something to be said for availability. some tears that are sown spring up soon, others much later. started isaiah, good stuff.
6 July 2009 - be proactive for good
reading the history of kings of Israel. some good, some bad... but even for many who were otherwise good, "the high places, however, were not removed." earlier i read how one king made golden calves to be gods and for the people to make sacrifices to- and the people just went along... like another religious ceremony.
and both cases show how it is easier to do nothing than something. easier to go along with the flow, and to not ruffle any feathers. but sometimes the right thing is not the thing everyone is doing. this has been seen sadly many times in history. if we are looking to man for direction in what to do, it can be trouble. "We do not know what to do, but our eyes our set on You."
25 June 2009 - oh, right
it's not just to want the right things, but to love the right things to the right degree.
20 June 2009 - i want daddy
got to babysit! couldn't help but come away thinking of those repeated words- 'i want daddy!'. it wasn't that we were unable to provide all the basic needs that daddy could provide (ok, ok, debatable... i'm still trying to navigate diaper covers, but you know what i mean). but there was something that only daddy could provide. something forged by love through the channels of time that would cause a three year old to feel safe and secure in his arms. glad to see the lessons up close, the Father's love pictured even through a dad's constant vengeance against assailing insects. comforts me on those 'i want daddy' days that are bound to come for us all. how great, really- how great- is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God.
19 June 2009 - the oil of his grace
from reading pilgrim's progress aloud... liked reading about the fire that burns hotter and brighter not withstanding the water set to douse it- because there stands Someone behind the wall, secretly casting oil into the fire. . .Christ who with the oil of grace maintains the work already begun in the heart, making us gracious still in spite of appearances and foes attempts otherwise.
18 June 2009 - easy obedience
taking a day off from work provided a great opportunity to sleep, read my Bible while it was still daylight, journal, pray on the roof, praise on drums, explore on my bike, exercise, journal some more, and on and on... all of which are quite good for me. makes me wonder why is what should be such easy obedience (rest, recentering, and rejuvination) so hard for me?
the aforementioned reading was proverbial. "if you find honey, eat just enough-- too much of it and you will vomit." and a long time favorite- "to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet."
16 June 2009 - more grace snapshots
a night of everything. at a new favourite place. kids and soccer, good food, and i mean doubly good food!, good company, fun times, wisdom, and much needed prayer- the most practical of all.
14 June 2009 - no other sweeter, no other fountain but You
some things never get old. thinking on His love... that never giving up carry you when everyone else could care less. like no other. that took the train force cut off wrath forsakeness to write for us a story of hope, life, and love. . .
13 June 2009 - coram deo
started reading George Muller's autobiography. it is very encouraging. just the story of a life lived in the face of God. of a man who believed God and His sufficiency... and prayed like it.
10 June 2009 - You keep Your promises
"Promises...You keep Your promises" dancing to that song with all 4 kids, because it is one kid's favorite song. and i told her i would bring it this week, and play it. And i want to be someone who keeps His promises. And so be like Him. And I realize that is part of my testimony. As I prepare for double Sunday sharing... The LORD detests lying lips, but delights in men who are truthful. men may lie and say one thing one day and another the next. But there was One who kept the truth even though it hurt. That is something worth dancing about. . .He has kept them. He will keep them. His Word is like rock.
9 June 2009 - the giving cycle
got together with a friend to watch the finals. then more interesting proverbs... One man gives freely and gains even more. A generous man will prosper. A poor man's field may produce abundant food, but injustice sweeps it away. He who gives to the poor will lack nothing.
4 June 2009 - quick
fear the LORD and shun evil.
He gives grace to the humble.
2 June 2009 - i have three jobs
if you haven't heard, i'm going to Honduras this summer! Excited about our team of 10. and how sometimes prayers are answered even after you've stopped looking for the answer.
1 June 2009 - alive
all things serve You. even Philadelphia. something about walking through the city hall archway a few weeks back. thinking of the old in philly transposed on the modern. the great things done here, in this city. and the good things He has prepared for us in advance to do, still in this city today.
28 May 2009 - psalm 113:8-9
"He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes, with the princes of their people. He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD."
27 May 2009 - thankful praise
"Do I eat the flesh of bulls or drink the blood of goats? Sacrifice thank offerings to God."
Encouraged by a friend's desire to just praise. Oh to remember Psalm 50... to simply live a life of thankful praise.
"I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine...If I were hungry I would not tell you"
23 May 2009 - the site of mercy
new mwY, continuing to amaze...at least in this song, "the Angel of Death came to David's room and said friend, it's time to go...good Angel, don't I get a warning sign before it's my time to go?
a sign? come now, David! where's your Grandma gone? and where's your grandpa gone? their time came to go. . .where's Uriah gone, stranded on the battlefield, the troops withdrawn? his time came to go. come now, David! where's Bathsheba gone? and where've your binoculars and rooftops gone? and the unexpected Baby-from-the-bath-night? their time came to go."
It should be noted that the house of the Lord was built on the former threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite. Where the Lord spoke to the angel of the Lord, who put his sword back in his sheath.
"Was it not I who ordered the fighting men to be counted? I am the one who has sinned and done wrong. These are but sheep.' 1 Chronicles 21:17 and now 22:1. Then David said, "The house of the Lord God is to be here, and also the altar of burnt offering for Israel."
just like the length of cord that would inevitably spare one, but not the man next to him, so too were Araunah's neighbors, one was 70,000, the other was not 70,001. But his time too would come to go. But a new Temple would come and take the unsheathed sword, so that an ever greater mercy could be ours.
20 May 2009 - best house
"in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation" psalm 5:3.
and a name scrawled on a piece of paper- by my computer so i can pray, proves useful months and months later, providing the silver lining to a night of otherwise poor communication.
14 May 2009 - grace like rain
"i need your grace, to remind me, to find my own..." sp
sometimes even the wanting to pray is manifest grace.
psalm reading for the day: "let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found." 32 "broken spirit" 51 "a sign of your goodness" 86
13 May 2009 - crowns, crowns, crowns
we made crowns at church tonight. they were a hit. i should pray more. "be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care...eager to serve... being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receveive the crown of glory that will never fade away." 1 Peter 5
11 May 2009 - flybye
"the day is gray outside. it's still brighter than the day would be, if i was without You." seven day jesus
studying almost over with.
5 May 2009 - daily and forever
"and there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes, we'll live to know You here on the earth... O no, You never let go through the calm and through the storm. O no, you never let go, in every high and every low... Lord, You never let go of me." m. redman
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves" ps. 68
29 April 2009 - seriously?
made my way to the roof tonight. He is ever good.
27 April 2009 - because they trusted in Him
"They were helped in fighting them, and God handed the Hagrites and all their allies over to them, because they cried out to him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him." 1 Chronicles 5:20-21
22 April 2009 - psalm 9/10
probably originally one big poem. "He does not ignore the cry of the afflicted... the needy will not always be forgotten. . . But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless. Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out. The Lord is King for ever and ever; the nations will perish from his land. You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more."
21 April 2009 - now i ride my bicycle
after stolen tires, broken locks, failed attempts at bike fixes, several work consultations, actual attempts that still don't pan out, late night tire changes in random places with nice help, stranded bikes meanwhile rusting or being irrevocably broke, no bike and walking around the whole city, waiting for my bike to arrive... how great was it to be back riding my bike, flying around city streets!
18 April 2009 - fig newtons
hi from chicago, the land of good pizza, on the starting day of the nba playoffs! was thinking again on what it means to know people. some of people's interests change- several of the foods i liked as a child are vastly different than the foods i like today, while some are likely to never change (me and mello yello are tight). perhaps another part in knowing someone is to know and understand the person as they change. we can't have just a snapshot knowledge of a person and expect it to be accurate on every count. sometimes we see this well when we see someone we haven't seen for a long time, even more if they are from a different season in our life... thankful for friends who have seen the here and the there and who put pieces together. and even more the One who knows it all and understands the change better than me.
13 April 2009 - scott Park
someone knows.
someone knows about the days where feelings play a greater role than they are supposed to... when life, strangely cyclical as it is, adds its own toppling weight... when normally available outlets are shut due to past problems requiring maintainence... when wounds that are supposed to no longer hurt, sting like a freshly skinned knee... someone knows, even when others do not understand. Oh, Someone knows...
12 April 2009 - resurrection life day
resurrection is not normal, natural. death is. and yet another reason why it is so great... once people get past the unexpectedness, they'll find something that works backwards into their lives. something that goes against the downward spiral of nature they see all around them. bringing life to where there is only death, hope to where there is only despair, and triumphant joy to where was previously defeat, defeat, defeat.
04 April 2009 - the first we hear from samson
"His father and mother replied, '... Must you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?' But Samson said to his father, 'Get her for me. She's the right one for me.' (His parents did not know that this was from the LORD, who was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines; for at that time they were ruling over Israel.)" from Judges 14
31 March 2009 - the road to Zion
i recommend driving across the country. especially with plenteous good food, mello yello finds, moments of hilarity, and lots and lots of driving. wish i had more time. somehow amidst the studying i snuck in some time to read my new book- escaping north korea. you should read it. some of the stories are just woah...
19 March 2009 - thought of the day
people can leave who don't feel connected.
08 March 2009 - giants they do fall down
doing chronological Bible in a year! thoughts from numbers- The giants that the explorer scouts saw were the same. the huge grapes were the same. but the responses vastly different. to some, "Why is the LORD bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword?". (this is an incredible question. . .and yet one that i am not immune from when i let the nephilim become bigger than the One they are grasshoppers to.) But Joshua and Caleb believed God. the grapes were a sign of the goodness they were coming into. and the aftermath... an 11 day journey became a 40 year journey to which only Joshua and Caleb would complete.
can't help but think it was a parallel situation with David and the israelites. they all heard the same cry from Goliath day after day. but only David heard it in the context of who God was and knew he could answer the call.
"everything that can stand fire you shall make go through the fire."
03 March 2009 - on your true prayer
more ponderables from vineyard sermons. sometimes we pray for things and we may not get them and yet what we wanted most was not that thing, but that thing seemed to be the necessary route to what we want/need to such a degree to not realize to think that we could pray for what we really want behind what we want... perhaps there is a better/different way to what is lacking, and One that certainly knows better ways.
13 February 2009 - on showing grace
sometimes it's not until the situation changes and you see the capacity to act the same way the other person acted toward you... for it's all inside of you, too. and since it's more often than not that we don't know the back story, perhaps it's that benefit of the doubt that better enables us to love the way we should, and all the more so to one going through and in need of some grace.
11 February 2009 - then they will call upon Me...
a Calvin quote on Zech. 13:9 (from JP) It is therefore necessary that we should be subject, from first to last, to the scourges of God, in order that we may from the heart call on him; for our hearts are enfeebled by prosperity, so that we cannot make the effort to pray.
busyness also keeps us, but as Luther says, that should prove the opposite, so busy, need to pray more.
things that make you pray, praise God for them.
10 February 2009 - don't send us on -- without You
listened to vineyard sermon on it during the day, then at night the scheduled reading also included exodus 33. i still remember p. paul preaching on it from year's ago... in the sermon, dave said he read it in His wedding.
"You said, I know you by name and you have also found favor in my sight. Now therefore, I pray...show me now Your way that I may know You and that I may find favor in your sight... And the Lord said, My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest. And Moses said to the Lord, if Your Presence does not go with me, do not carry us up from here! . . .Is it not in going with us so that we are distinguished."
6 February 2009 - powerful and effective
elijah was a man just like us -so constitutued, but he took God at His Word, and there was no rain for a really long time.
from sinclair insight to an obscure verse of a favourite hymn of mine, "Soon shall the cup of glory
Wash down earth's bitt'rest woes,
Soon shall the desert briar
Break into Eden's rose;
The curse shall change to blessing -
The Name on earth that's bann'd
Be graven on white stone
In Immanuel's land."
4 February 2009 - my life not as a movie
i get it backwards sometimes when i consider such drama. it is good to remember the fly that sat upon the chariot-wheel, and said, "What a dust do I raise!". and even better to think how it is all His story.
31 January 2009 - abandonment and faith must walk together
thinking back to the twenty year old vs. the four year old. one needs to ask if he can go out and play. the other has grown to the place to have the freedom to make decisions without having to call home from college. one is easier. the other, painfully necessary. but we are not left alone. we can take to Him the Lord as best I know. . .'s. and try and do the right thing today, even if tomorrow is unknown. and it takes years to understand parents' love. how much more to get His- who keeps sending us back to school because He wants us to know more of that deep deep deepest of deeps Love.
25 January 2009 - end of the spear
another finally got to see movie. with violence that was not for the sake of violence. but that came with the words, "i am your friend."
from John 15, "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last."
20 January 2009 - now or later
remember esau. he sold his birthright for some red stew. a double portion of the inheritance, the head of the family... and heir of the promised blessing vs. stew. showing contempt for those rights while living in the moment, for a single meal. rather than living by faith, and taking the future seriously, as he later wished he did.
15 January 2009 - job's tears
before understanding that it was a plant, when I saw the name Job's tears associated with things like soup or tea, I could only guess why it would be named such. Perhaps it was something that was not so good going down, but was really good for you. Well, either that or something that really cleaned you out. . .Or _maybe_ it was just really good soup. named not for job's initial tears, but his latter tears... that surely must have come when his brothers, sisters, and friends came and feasted with him in his home.
13 January 2009 - waterfall
the good thing about having bike issues is the long walks home...
from the book of job: How great is God—beyond our understanding! The number of his years is past finding out. "He draws up the drops of water, which distill as rain to the streams; the clouds pour down their moisture and abundant showers fall on mankind. Who can understand how he spreads out the clouds, how he thunders from his pavilion? See how he scatters his lightning about him, bathing the depths of the sea. . .He does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth,' and to the rain shower, 'Be a mighty downpour.' So that all men he has made may know his work, he stops every man from his labor."
10 January 2009 - you do not have because you do not ask
and so the studying begins in earnest.
thoughts meanwhile: it is one thing when you ask and you don't get. it's another altogether when you mope about not having something when you didn't even ask for it.
7 January 2009 - lunchtime reading
while enjoying a tangerine. . . the spring of persistent love
01 January 2009 - 2008 year in review: longest entry yet
I like new year's day, not only because I love celebrating, and holidays provide occasion, but I doubt it is without reason that people celebrate a new year, even when in some sense it is arbitrary and not remarkably different from the day before. But because He is making all things new, because it is a 365.25x picture of "His mercies new every morning", it is all the more a time to refocus, restart, and keep on running. As you must know by now, part of that for me involves recapping the year that was. Some lessons are only learned when distilled with a wider lens. It is good to think over the year. Not only does it help us to see the sheer wonder of life and its bigness, but it also aids one in examining life rather than just letting it fly by unmeasured. Such introspection has its place, when rightly framed. Too much self look can lead to despair. But if after looking, you look back up, and redirect towards the maximum glory of God, it can be very good. That is my hope, and while I won't cover all the year held (some has already been written here) I surely did think through so much of it. And yet it was perhaps the hardest year to recap to date. At times I did feel as I was not the one leading the way. And perhaps I was not. . .As the (random) phrase of the year says- that was a crazy game of poker.
I'll begin where I did- it was good to start the year in prayer. It was definitely needed all the more in January with the carryover of unresolved health issues (and new ones), the shock of a church dismissal that threatened everything, and a stressful work situation, just to name most of the major things that month. and He saw me through. The year had quite the full spectrum of a relationship- writing out prayers, soccer prayer, and yes of course on my bike and walking around the city. There was also marked struggle, and long (too long) periods of lack. and learning well where two come together in His name, that He is there, ever amazed at His love. Memorable march prayer and tears, marveling that He hears and knows my heart. while on march, it was an early spring and somehow (after hurried cleaning and dominoes) i ended up in pittsburgh. and from there, it was planes, trains, and automobiles indeed.
oh there were highlights. more babysitting than the rest of my life combined, from pizza and dancing with evie, to westminster party and more! a new friend of the year. a new neice. RLC begins in earnest!
church held some amazing moments. opening the church with prayer and the gym by playing with the kids. and the next day 2700+ people for convoy of hope despite a fatal shooting across the street. hearing God of the city before the remarkable survey crew hit the streets. the rest of the grand opening week. children's ministry extension, teaching Sunday school. getting to lead worship myself. secret agent thursdays. leading Bible studies. follow up prayer. and on i could go.
the year in food (partial at best): mac and cheese (from cauliflower, lobster, ritz cracker, to buffalo chicken!), bulgogi hot dogs, octopus pizza, wegman's rolls, grace garden, ekta, eggplant coins, chicago pizza, pork&eggplant, jamaican, ncaa bbq, blueberry lemon zest pi, hershey kisses - from candy corn to candy cane, and so much more good eating, including the many usual suspects. reading a lot more than I realized: ranging from letters to malcolm to my friend is sad. And of course book series of the yr- tales of the kingdom. music: the (jj mix) cd of year, hillsong videos. movies- from north korea movies to prince caspian. traveling: minny twice, va many, Chicago, Rhode Island, maine, nyc, beach, dc, princeton, potter co. but "scott miller may belong in PHL". fav family fivesome was key- ungame, heart motives, dinners, get togethers, keller, nba,. . .
6 weddings, 2 funerals, bike troubles galore, soccer slump, more worship drama, 2 is more than 0, going crazy, church harangue, feeling bad, 3 championship losses (2 casa, 1 lza), unfun health visits, blasted feelings, central park exploring, SHASAM, banana pancakes, parade, running the loop, epic smath, wns, seeing 22 shooting stars one night, 23 total, cupcake dunk, the super catch, heart issues, LiNK, best fireworks ever, tent adventures and games, 2 fists to my paradigm, John Legend in the rain, ice cream festival, church double church, indian queen, drinking while walking, texts on the hour, ridiculous weather forecasts, king's x, exasperation, don't stress don't stress don’t stress, you do it!, fun at work- bike and otherwise, family histories, dunk hoops, skedoosh!, say something about policemen, joy joy joy, support group, more exciting births, dedications, baptisms, birthdays; rlc reunion, seeing former kids baptized and teaching my Sunday school class!, friends visiting or returning from afar, sg, playing with kids, Jesus storybook Bible, keller in philly, great friend times, DQ, dolce, many sermons, satsuma and mello, flower show, ice cream guessing, smiling so much, catching leaves, franklin institute, magic, treehouses and hammocks, sunrise, TOTC, plateau, clark park easter, amazing bday of philly friends food and 31 mello's!, orchid, big slide, self photos, the swings, ski trip pizza hut, may wknd in VA, running through fountains, going aways and coming backs, starbucks, haverford, lemongrass, letters, ctown, lunchtime stroll, bookstore reading finding studying, south street, the holiday party, always losing, penns landing, dating (i'm bad at it), church cleaning, praying, wording, praising, time together, walks, runs, rides, broken clock, studying late, can't see, sick, fairmount park, art museum, free libr. bkstre, papaya salad, phonecalls, va run playground, basketball, shopping, kfc coupon hunting, moments, glimpses, fridays, romans 8, va trips, reading books aloud, old photos, new photos, faithwalking. realizing redemption is not a one off thing. i need Jesus badly. God's grace is big.
wanting to live by faith not by fear. this despite all its length a song still unfinished. . .2009 here we come, happy new year to all.
29 December 2008 - this life of contradictions
from The Message, "I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. **I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight.** Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud."
26 December 2008 - simple prayer is simple
reading Foster on prayer. good to remember how easy what he calls 'simple prayer' is. and how at whatever stage we are at we can go to Him. even now. without our excuses. with simplicity of heart. and find such love.
25 December 2008 - joy of every longing heart
merry christmas y'all!
it is good- i think- to long for Him to come, to a life that 's been so bethlehem.
"Come, thou long-expected Jesus,
born to set thy people free;
from our fears and sins release us,
let us find our rest in thee."
14 December 2008 - long time coming
got to hear Ron Sider speak... 4 years after writing about his book here. interesting to hear him speak on microloans. and the call to live more simply so others can simply live.
but even better was praying back from w. phila. not only does He delight in genuine prayers, but i like the much needed activity as well. it is so nice to have the venue to go to Him honestly and know that He understands.
11 December 2008 - we will reap a harvest if we do not give up
time for your at least annual IAWL entry... as we got to watch it while the jovial kids slumbered upstairs.
the sacrifices that made George seem stuck on the hard days, were the same ones that lead to the fruit he could celebrate in the end. this, of course, after realizing that even the ultra hard day could be viewed differently when awakened to life perspective. life is a gift... that sometimes needs to be reopened.
9 December 2008 - and a light unto my path
took a few days to read over the longest psalm, and it was good to dwell on... such words of road signs, and the way of life.
"build me up again by your Word. grace me with your clear revelation... i'm wiser than the wise old sages simply by doing what you tell me." the Message
6 December 2008 - welcome introductions
baby eliza is here! got to visit my newest neice, journeying through the snow. and a mello yello was pre-chilled waiting for me with the grandparents...
1 December 2008 - easier to be a baller than to be taller
there are some desires we have that it would be hard to do much about. the best example of this might be- wanting to be in the nba. but there are some that are clearly in our hands, that we can do things about. it is frustrating to see others with the same desires make it happen when i can't. but on the flip side, it is encouraging to think about desires- if they are really priorities, do something about it. it can be easy to let the urgent or convenient override, but better to fight for the life you really want.
30 November 2008 - children, heirs, friends. . .
thinking about the impact made by those who choose to pour their life into certain people. not knowing for sure how the choice of investment is made. but realizing grace repeats itself on many levels.
meanwhile, it seems like sin is always settling for less. like insidious pride in a title. when those God bestows are far better. take heirs. heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings... and not servants, but friends if we follow, and who bestowed as such go forth and lay down life for one another.
18 November 2008 - worth the voyage
i would purport that you would question things with kids running crazy, and a 75% cry rate. but as someone said- if nothing frustrates you, you're living a boring christian life.
"Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves, When our dreams have come true Because we have dreamed too little, When we arrived safely Because we sailed too close to the shore...
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, To venture on wider seas Where storms will show your mastery; Where losing sight of land, We shall find the stars, We ask You to push back The horizons of our hopes; And to push into the future In strength, courage, hope, and love."
it's always easier to do nothing. or follow our own comforts. but His dreams are so much better, and worth pursuing. and as It says- "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain"
9 November 2008 - miracles
read some of a keller book. he was talking about how Jesus' miracles weren't done to just show capacity, but to invoke worship. and sometimes i need to turn things around- and see the work of God displayed in my life, and give Him worship.
7 November 2008 - broken for good
life conference was about being broken for the city ...2Cor4. what you want to do for others must first happen to you. Jesus said- anyone who wants to come after Him they have to take up their cross and follow after Him.
noone would think to look for treasure in easily breakable vessels used for refuse. and if they wanted to get the treasure out it was easy to break, demolish. sometimes God breaks up our plans, our wills, what we are trusting in. . . to show off the glory of Christ in every area of life.
5 November 2008 - on a handful of fortune
you just happened to be standing there. when it dropped. all sorts of the finest goods off the delivery truck. and as you gather as much as you could hold in your pockets and in your two hands pressed against your chest, you notice the others starting to arrive who heard the din, yet find not much remaining. could you really not share?
31 October 2008 - sparkle parade
everyone was straining to see. there were people (children and adults) on each other's shoulders, people climbing street poles, people on roof decks, looking out windows in every direction you looked... it was a sea of red and anticipation. and then the confetti rained from the sky, covering a city together to celebrate a victory, to watch a team parade down broad st. it was quite a sight to behold. and yet i couldn't help but think, if this is the reception for a winning team, what will it be for a returning King... victorious over the greatest enemy of all. 25 years is indeed a long time to wait. but not compared to millennia. there are ardent fans, but what of those that are giving their lives for the city that is to come. those that didn't just watch from the stands, but actually fought the fight, ran the race, kept the faith, who not just wear the king's colors, but have a crown waiting- and not only for them, but to all who have longed for His appearing.
27 October 2008 - debt collector
i'm sure you're familiar with depictions of those who use rough and threatening tactics to collect outstanding debts, with such ruffians hired specifically because of their size and imposing ability to invoke fear which would get the owed money back sooner. in joseph's day the people gave up all their lands and everything to buy food, becoming indebted to egypt. Jesus told a story of a man who had to be sold along with his family because he was not able to pay the massive debt he owed. but he begged the king, and the king had pity on him and cancelled the debt. what would it be like to be that man? it is one thing to have a debt of ten dollars cancelled, but what of the millions this man owed? but how could it be? the lunch was not free. the debt did have to be paid... but when the debt collector came looking for life and limb, there was One who stood in the way- the King Himself- who was first roughed up, and then cut off from His Family because those He loved had no resources to pay the debt, who had no recourse when the debt collector came. . .
"Let no debt remain outstanding except the continuing debt to love one another." Romans 13:8
23 October 2008 - double entendre
the church helps me better understand total depravity.
sermons are helpful. the corinthian church was so bad, but paul loved them so much.
21 October 2008 - dream job update
from one dream job to two. the new one unpaid but with better benefits. funny how life works out (i guess that is why it is called life, it is always moving). already such great moments like singing and dancing to joy, joy, joy that first week of sunday school. pray for me- yet another case where my weakness is going to have to be my strength.
