4 January 2012 - sighters are still not afraid
how often is the challenge - i don't have time for that... which might make sense if you have only ten minutes to run eight miles. but some things don't have true time constraints. like loving. and being still. thirty minutes might be preferred, but isn't 5 minutes better than nothing? or even two minutes... of glimpsing what is really important.
"oh, what a joy it would be, just for a moment to lay at the feet of the Lord, oh more than anything that's what i long for. Oh what a change it would bring just to look deep in the face of the King who gave all" Seeing the King of love makes us brave. "I am His prize and He is mine. . .Before such love, before such grace I will let the walls come down."
some stories never get old telling. We have a father who calls timid children out of hiding. As well as one to whom we can call 'Abba'- not just in the sweet sing song voice, but in the urgent cry like the blind man on the roadside... ABBA, ABBA! we need You.
01 January 2012 - year in review: 2011
as i said last year at this time, introspection must look different for me now… but a year has gone by and in some ways i feel - "wait, a year has gone by" and i guess i need to start learning how to make it happen in beneficial ways soon. and yet, there is another sense in which i know i'm learning slowly as i go and like with the growth of trees, progress is not always measured with the naked eye. and it is a good sign that year in review is back… though not quite as overly exhaustive as in the years past, sufficiently comprehensive to give you a glimpse underneath the wrapping paper into the big present that is another year of life.
it seems fitting to start with the year in travel. as there were numerable highlights even just within each trip. i was filling out a travel survey and it was then that i realized just how many of the major us destinations i happened to hit this year. chicago, west virginia, north carolina, boston, providence, seattle (x2) and NoVa, L.A. (finally!), niagara falls, buffalo, maryland, san jose, san fran, hawaii, nyc, lancaster, and portland! such great times had: from 4 weddings, to family time, to road trip with friends, to surprise trip with wifey, to anniversary celebrating, seeing dear friends, to eating adventures, a gondola ride, and lots of memories added to the treasury.
as always there were transitions. perhaps it is even more so living in the city, like having friends move away (far, far away). also a church transition. while quite a sad start of the year for me in this respect, one ultimately good for us as we forge ahead… and after years of prayer and struggle, one where we clearly saw God provide when a certain friend/pastor and his wife had us over for dessert to tell us they were leaving one of the churches we were leaving to accept a call at… the church we were thinking of joining. . .(except they didn't have a pastor- until then!)
this followed by the return to being on a worship team, such good timing. again in the moment of loss and need, God going beyond expectations and providing precisely what i need. does it get much better than going buckwild in praise on drums worshipping the One who i was created to worship wholeheartedly. . .and bringing others with me!
i can't quite provide you with the year in books, because thankfully i was able to read enough this year that i don't remember them all (even swallowing a 700+ page turner in the beginning of january). and several have already been mentioned in this space. it is a similar story with the year in music.
but of course i would be negligent not to at least tip the iceburg on the year in food. wife's amazing strawberry cupcakes, and her homemade deep dish pizza, jejudo burger, bojangles, shady maple, bok choy, chicago pizza x4, wattamelon roll, ramen, pizza chicken love letter, alma, han, anchor bar, and many other famous food travel destinations, as well as unexpected finds like korean in san jose, cheeburger, shaved ice, and of course 'a few' blizzards . . .on top of other usual suspects that we enjoy.
and finally, free flow: figs, figs everywhere, olympic national park, finally a nephew born!, our garden (in the first year there will be many deaths), rita's on the first day of spring, enjoying our longwood gift membership, special easter weekend with my family at our house with flowers in full bloom Easter Sunday, wisdom tooth pull, unfair tickets, sinclair sermons, bachelor fun car accident notwithstanding, vineyard visiting, nba lockout, rising early… and not rising early, the big nba return, christmas away from the east coast for the first time, friends visiting, happy pineapple, free movie month, many counseling sessions, soccer…sometimes, a Sunday bike ride, holiday parties, valentine's day, free music from library, white collar, settler's tournament, our old sg, our new sg, sleepover with our friends, wife birthday month replete with brunch, family visits and celebrations, ivy stones, and more; yes the flower show, bike to work contest, kayaking adventures, northern home, donating stuff, house warming party, carmelo traded, publishing a poetry book. snow in october… and none since, classic wns, ear issues, bartram's, welcomed visits from fams, HP, nephew dedicated, mars hill genesis, my bday with the fams, tree-mendous ticonderoga tradition, prayer, Word, lack, koja/np, hb hb, princeton grad, needing a Rescuer, getting better at drums, anniversary meals are helpful, return to Chima, hurricane wedding, mello yello, and a wonderful new year's eve!
for more see the year in photos!
password is 2Cor8:9
25 December 2011 - christmas gifts
no sandwiches this year, but quite a welcome by my new family. . .and even the return of the nba!
here's part of a poem i read at last week's praise night, by amy carmichael: "And then did Joseph's father-like surprise, As round his finger little fingers curled, call smiles and tears to Mary's mother-eyes? He clings who'll save the world."
17 Decemeber 2011 - fuller seminary
life is always fuller than it seems. some december highlights thus far: a splendid sunday bike ride all around paths nearby, buying gifts for kids at the northern home for children and delivering them, work holiday parties, date night, donating shoes to shoes4souls, christmas parties with friends, listening to lots of sermons on romans by sinclair...
02 December 2011 - the naked seed
ok, just one more lewis poem for you. encouraging amidst a long desert walk:
My heart is empty. All the fountains that should run With longing, are in me Dried up. In all my countryside there is not one That drips to find the sea. I have no care for anything thy love can grant Except the moment's vain And hardly noticed filling of the moment's want And to be free from pain. Oh, thou that art unwearying, that dost neither sleep Nor slumber, who didst take All care for Lazarus in the careless tomb, oh keep Watch for me till I wake. If thou think for me what I cannot think, if thou Desire for me what I Cannot desire, my soul's interior Form, though now Deep-buried, will not die, --No more than the insensible dropp'd seed which grows Through winter ripe for birth Because, while it forgets, the heaven remembering throws Sweet influence still on earth, --Because the heaven, moved moth-like by thy beauty, goes Still turning round the earth.
30 November 2011 - to come alive
new switchfoot, still continuing to amaze. "i'm restless, i'm restless... i'm looking for You"
"and i wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive? i'm ready now i'm not waiting till the afterlife."
22 November 2011 - praying parents
amidst this week where we get to see all 4 of our parents as well as recently hearing a story on the radio, i am mindful how thankful i am to have such praying parents. meanwhile, wondering what it would take to be someone who puts such emphasis on carrying others burdens in this way again. to leave such an 'over my head' baseline...
a day from WNS!
17 November 2011 - unused
small group at our house! and we're talking spiritual gifts. are you using your gifts to build up the church? thinking back over my life and all the things i've organized... wondering how to be an organizer for the kingdom these days.
16 November 2011 - marinating
"if the world was how it should be maybe i could get some sleep." 'oh my God', jars of clay
11 November 2011 - anything genuine
all ones this day. and finally taking advantage of the plentiful free music offerings from the library's website. "I'll take anything, anything genuine. Falling from Your hands or falling from Your lips, As long as it's from You, I know I can take it, I can take it And I'll rejoice."
08 November 2011 - we'll help the brokenhearted praise
perhaps the most beautiful day of the year outside. and good early morning time inside.
scazons by cs lewis
walking to-day by a cottage I shed tears When I remembered how once I had walked there With my friends who are mortal and dead. Years Little had healed the wound that was laid bare.
Out little spear that stabs! I, fool, believed I had outgrown the local, unique sting, I had transmuted wholly (I was deceived) Into Love universal the lov'd thing
But Thou, Lord, surely knewest thine own plan When the angelic differences with no bar Universally loved, but Thou gav'st man The tether and pang of the particular,
Which, like a chemic drop, infinitesimal, Plashed into pure water, changing the whole, Embodies and embitters and turns all Spirit's sweet water into astringent soul,
That we, though small, might quiver with Fire's same Substantial form as Thou--not reflect merely Like lunar angels back to Thee cold flame. Gods are we, Thou hast said; and we pay dearly.
and a song... "we'll sing the gospel to the poor, we'll go to comfort those who mourn, You'll put together what's been torn, King of Heaven. . .we'll sing the news of hope, Your grace, we'll help the brokenhearted praise, You'll put Your glory on display, King of Heaven... You help the broken cities rise, out of the wreckage You bring life."
05 November 2011 - read some poems today
late summer by cs lewis
I, dusty and bedraggled as I am
Pestered with wasps and weeds and making jam
Blowzy and stale, my welcome long outstayed,
Proved false in every promise that I made,
At my beginning I believed, like you,
Something would come of all my green and blue.
Mortals remember, looking on the thing
I am, that I, even I, was once a spring.
29 October 2011 - Philadelphia, Atlanta, Columbia, . . .
snow in october! and a correspondingly unexpected long car ride in it. which meant the chance to listen to sinclair's sermon on the parable of the 10 minas (huh, kim, ... ha ha) for a third time. just such a good reminder of grace. a hard man? you knew I was a hard man? and meanwhile he had just given his servant ten cities for making a return on his investment.
27 October 2011 - the lame shall enter first
reading flannery o'connor, which means there's a lot on sin to think about. which makes this an appropriate time to quote owen, "be killing sin or it will be killing you." and it can come in unexpected ways, both the sin and the death. "He had stuffed his own emptiness with good works like a glutton." this regarding a character whose narrow vision in the end leads to the death of his son, after the chilling repeated refrain - i did more for him than i did for my own child.
21 October 2011 - paralells
often parallels in life are used to help us see something. has a lesson been learned, have we grown, who has been faithful... In the Joseph story, the last time the brother's had silver in their sacks going in this direction was after having sold Joseph as a slave. also in the story we see the second time they returned to their father with one less brother. and they are given the chance to respond to a father's favoritism once again. but this time, the second chance, their response is drastically different. as are the results. the first time they lost a brother, the second time they gained a brother they thought was lost.
and in the new testament, we find peter denying Jesus three times by a fire. then we see Jesus making a fire on the beach. then so beautifully asking Peter three times, do you love me? there is such hope through repentance.
13 October 2011 - grace upon grace
what a picture we see in the joseph story... his garment was stolen, and he piles garments on them. it is of course, a picture of grace. and tonight at small group, it was there too. that we were the ones standing around doing nothing. and the generous One said, "Come, work in the vineyard." and they had said, what about us... we've given up everything. and He said anyone who's given up _anything_. 100 times this life and the life to come. worth it. undeserved. we're the well-fillers who've been given five sets of clothes.
30 September 2011 - Jehovah-Shammah
praise-night! soaking it in. sheep do need still water. we prayed through some of the names of God. how great is it that Jehovah Himself is there. just as He was with Israel from Marah to Elim. for me, this is not my college years, but God is here. not another season, or the season after that, but God is here. the unknown is cloudy, but God is here. the LORD is my shepherd and i lack nothing.
29 September 2011 - joseph's journey
my birthday treat was listening to some of sinclair's series on joseph's life. the rich depth of God's Word continues to amaze me. and what other story anywhere is like this one?
let's start with his robe- one that probably helped his brothers see him in the distance. one they brought back to their father - is this your son's robe? and later, what's left in potiphar's wife hands, held up to her servants... and master? once again, a robe of joseph's.
on joseph's change and God's sovereignty... the men in prison say to joseph- we've had dreams. he doesn't say- my dreams brought me here, he says interpretations belong to God. then to Pharaoh- the doubling of the dream means that it is fixed in God's mind and He will bring it about! "Two, two, two, it's as if God's feet are marching through the whole of the story." the combined 2 notions, God works slowly that he might work quickly. a wrong incision and a right incision are equally painful... but you must not think there is any doubt He made a mistake.
21 September 2011 - on one year
celebrating one year, already, on the beautiful shores of hawaii... traveling likely made the actual observation of the day different than it would have been back home in several ways, only one of which being no timely reflection on the ancient mello yello bottles opened a year before. ones which brewed such expectations over the years, but obviously also had some chemical processes going on inside meanwhile that meant the taste was not what was to be imagined, even though that was known. and on our first day with our friends we saw the island they kayaked to and thought how amazing would it be to voyage ourselves on the ocean to that spot... soon to find out that they had planned a trip for us the very next day to do so! now, when you have never done something you can only imagine what it will be like and it remains to be seen how it will actually be in comparison to those imaginings. sometimes something lives up to expectations, sometimes it comes nowhere close, and sometimes... it does both, and even ecplises such ideas by the combination of these notions. being poor swimmers, it was encouraging to hear none of their other friends had ever capsized. but that didn't mean we could move with speed, slowly we had to figure out to communicate and row together to outpace the waves. it was hard work, but it was indeed beautiful, not to be staring out at the blue green ocean waters, but to be there, in them (going toward an uninhabited island). this new thing was fun despite the effort. and it was about to become adventure. we made it to the island, but then on the way back, we rode a wave a good 10 yards before plunging kayak first into the pacific ocean. i avoided any sharks, but not sharp rocks below that left my feet bloody. but with the help of our friend we managed to right the ship and get back in and head back towards land. and it was _that point_ that my amazing wife said we should sing. my aching arms, my bloody feet, my saltwater mouth, it was a little hard for the words to come out. but oh how nice was it to sing.. Something, about the ocean, makes me rise up and praise. Something, about the heavens, makes me stand in awe again.
15 September 2011 - on how things come
"when autumn comes, it doesn't ask. it just walks in, where it left you last." fall weather is here at least, on the verge of my favorite season.
at sg we talked about the smallest of all seeds that becomes a tree that birds perch in. think of the time when this was told... it was a mustard seed! but now, what a tree. a bird is bigger than a little seed, much bigger. but this gets way bigger than us. that which could attack the seed now longs for shelter in its branches. the yeast that loses itself in the dough but then shows uncontainable growth. that's quite something to observe, all the more to be a part of.
8 September 2011 - not slow in keeping His promise
it is easy to get so tired of all the sin we see around us. and like the servants in the parable of the weeds it seems like it would be so much better to just remove it all now. but it is not without reason. and the Master also wants it gone, but has a different perspective. "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9. whoever believes in him shall not perish... for God so loved the world. and why does anything good happen to any person. . .we deserve to perish. but we've been shown great kindness.
7 September 2011 - purpose
"I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me."
4 September 2011 - gain
got to play the drum set at church. the message was on 'seize the day'. "godliness with contentment is great gain."
2 September 2011 - waiting and watching
september is here, though an earie start. but what a beautiful picture we see in luke 12, "It will be good for those servants whose master finds them watching when he comes. Truly I tell you, he will dress himself to serve, will have them recline at the table and will come and wait on them." signifying the joy with which we shall be received, honoured by the Father, who sent His Son ahead to prepare a place.
28 August 2011 - faith and more
just a few of the many scrawled little notes i have as the sinclair sermon fest continues. . .great faith doesn't get a bigger or better Jesus than little faith gets...your sinfulness lies most prominently in your strengths...barometer of faith--> joy...quoting lewis- "nothing in you that refuses to die can ever be raised from the dead."...and finally, for romans 8.28 day, why did joseph end up in potiphar's house. . .because the hand of God was upon him.
21 August 2011 - joyful songs we raise
the return to the worship team!
"glorious and mighty, You're awesome in beauty, greatly to be praised. . ."
19 August 2011 - marshmallow
a fun sleepover with our friends and my poetry book is here!
i am hard like a marshmallow long forgotten
i am cold to touch -- yet hard to ignore
i am proud, like an overbearing king
i am resistant, yet wanting at the same time
i am muffled and beaten, i am worn
i am nothing, i am like a golfer's poor form
yet just 1 touch from You
just one splash of Your Spirit
just one gentle reminder of Your love
just one stopping still in Your presence
and i am Your child
i am Your undaunted warrior
Your uncrushed army
Your hopeful hands and feet
to a world just like needful me
12 August 2011 - on the rise
read earlier this week about someone's rise to being successful. meanwhile, i'm pretty sure i broke my all-time record for the earliest average rising time over a 4 day period. hard to believe, and yet almost natural. i may not read manuals for three hours a day, but it's all i can do... "to honor You Lord with all that is mine."
8 August 2011 - drink deep
often we can lose the wonder of things, but it is worth it to take steps to get it back.
"And the emptiness is not purposeless It's only thirst compelling us to drink." paul alan
4 August 2011 - gospel eats
after a long hiatus, sinclair's sermons are back! let the listening party begin... preaching through all of luke. and how with the clearing of the temple, He's beginning the desecration of it, that would continue when the curtain tore. quoting luther i believe, "the reason christians no longer fear death is that no man feared death as this Man.". undoubtedly more to come. . .
3 August 2011 - echoes of Jesus
seeing the echoes of Jesus as i read through Job this time. even in words from his friends, "has a truly innocent person ever ended up on the scrap heap?". and job, 'how i wish i had an arbiter!' and his longing for resurrection.
31 July 2011 - storefront letters
surprise road trip weekend! wifey was able to guess our destination before we'd gone two blocks, and why not? Where else can you go where they can make such epochal statements like, "This is Niagara Falls." and it doesn't sound trite, but rather as the mist crescendos all around you and you see and hear 600,000 gallons of water flow per second it is more a moment of sheer awe. i had been there before but never with such rainbows, and it was wifey's first time. and part of what makes a place a place is who you're with and the circumstances. On the way home on our way to a Wegman's that was laid out way different than what we are used to, we passed by what appeared to be a Walmart based on the faded blue storefront and I couldn't help but think of 'storefront letters'. they appear all the time in the ever changing city, including some restaurants that we miss. But meanwhile other new ventures pop up all the time that pique our interest. the song was based on a free write, inspired by mello yello. And I already had one on me, thanks to a needed roadside oasis earlier on the trip, sneaking much needed sips amidst large chunks of passages from wind and the willows that I read aloud above the whir of the car making it's way down the highway. "you were like a drink in every store but your returns diminished i found you no more." and the days of free flow roll on like a drum beat that gets louder and louder.
17 July 2011 - repentance to bring blessing
Happy installation day! and now, from Hosea 14, "return, O Israel, to the LORD your God. Your sins have been your downfall!... In You the fatherless find compassion. . .I am like a green pine tree; your fruitfulness comes from me. Who is wise? He will realize these things."
16 July 2011 - hero
got to watch two movies that had long been on my 'to watch' list while recovering from my wisdom tooth pull and it just so happened that they both were heavy on the topic on what it means to be a hero. what does it mean to be a hero? is it just someone who does great things? someone who models ways to live worth striving for? or someone who lays down what they could have gained for the greater good... what would it look like for you to live a heroic life?
14 July 2011 - love check
reading 'If' by amy carmichael from the dentist chair... "If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then i know nothing of Calvary love * For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted."
"If i make much of anything appointed, magnify it secretly to myself or insidiously to others; if i let them think it 'hard'; if i look back longingly on what used to be, and linger among the byways of memory, so that my power to help is weakened, then i know nothing of Calvary love."
"if i belittle those i am called to serve, talk of their weak points with what perhaps i think of as my strong points; if i adopt a superior attitude, forgetting 'Who made thee to differ? and hast thou that thou hast not received?' then i know nothing of Calvary love.
12 July 2011 - super bass
glad to be back home! 5 years since we made cookies together in a bowl, really late at night. listening to new radio songs i heard on my trip...
10 July 2011 - on the joy
got to go to church with my friends in the inland empire. in SS we talked about how Jesus switched cups. He took the cup of wrath, so we could have the cup of joy. how in Matthew 26, he's handing out the cup to drink at Passover, then not many verses later, he's talking about another cup he has to drink. and He refused to drink one, but He did not refuse the other. waiting until the day we drink anew in the kingdom. and then the sermon mentioned how real joy is found in the middle, referencing the priests who stood in the Jordan while everyone crossed over. and how much more was Jesus Christ in the middle. hanging there so that we could cross over the muddy Jordan, the flood having been taken.
08 July 2011 - on God of the universe
had to park further away than i realized on my visit to griffith observatory and having read about rental car break-ins there, that did seem to leave me a prime candidate, what with my shiny red car. of course this meant time for lessons, amidst the couple of hours i stretched out among the AC and interesting exhibits. He holds the universe, He holds everyone of us. no we shouldn't take stupid risks, but we should trust Him rightly. the God who flung the planets can certainly restrain a car thief; and if He does not, are not His ordinances good... or should I say, used for our good, and make us more like Christ. and that seemed to end the discussion.
07 July 2011 - alone together
all the travel also allowed me to gain ground on the marriage books i was reading, an area where i'm still hungry for wisdom. some things i learned were things i already knew. like the necessity to carve out some alone time. it is hard to help someone else forge a successful life when you've got nothing yourself. and it's important for us both to learn how we're different as man and woman, and how to navigate those streams. and for us as individuals how that goes alongside our essential needs for time alone.
29 June 2011 - the nurse log of life
got to visit Olympic National Park! and finished reading Pilgrim at Tinker Creek. in one instance, got to observe nature in its mostly undisrupted state. in the other, read about one who did so a lot longer than i ever will. and her words end with echoes of praise and on the way were full of awe of God's creation. but also she can't help but notice the brutality of nature, the dying everywhere, all the time. and yet to us, and us alone, this rubs against us hard, as moral creatures. "That something is everywhere and always amiss is part of the very stuff of creation." that we care and live in a monstrous world would be too much, if there wasn't One who made it so and who said not a sparrow falls to the ground... and that to live we have to die. and then it all becomes quite a picture indeed. signs that we were meant for more than this, meant for the One behind the beauty itself.
it's like the hope for the fallen tree mentioned in Job. we witnessed nurse logs at Olympic that had huge trees come from them. From the decay, new life. that tree may die too. but our new shoots will not fail.
25 June 2011 - frankly speaking
you know a plane ride is long when you can read a whole book. in this case it was a book we ran out of time for in one of my college courses, that i am finally getting to, frankenstein. it was interesting to see a creation made in the image of the creator, but not fully. and how that led to destruction. how no suitable helper was found. and the created "was preparing for myself a deadly torture, but I was the slave, not the master, of an impulse which i detested yet could not disobey." and how we have a desire to be like the Creator, but we are not. but in our case, He did not run away and leave us to deal with it all on our own. but He entered in to the horror, He became the helper, He set us free from the abhorrent image and allowed us to radiate beauty. Because there was another who came in His image who was good. so in the face of the struggle we can say, "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
19 June 2011 - on meaningful lives and days
merging various inputs into one, actually united by a common thread, living with purpose. on why people are drawn to certain tv shows- because the stories of the characters on the screen are more meaningful than their own lives. what does it look like to live a life brimming with meaning? 'when david had served the purpose of God in his generation, he passed away.' what are you about today? getting things done, not looking foolish... or a more meaningful goal, listening well, praying through. whether it be in big exciting ways, or little simple ones, oh to serve the purpose of God in our generation.
7 June 2011 - worth fighting for
finally got our gutters fixed, and a day off to go with it. made crepes for breakfast and thai beef curry for dinner. in between that did various house errands. ended up watching karate kid (with jaden) over lunch. it was good to see. fighting against what is wrong. but in good ways. everything as preparation. and the importance of being still. "being still and doing nothing are 2 very different things." promise and victory. and loss not being the end. capped off the day by booking our 1 yr anniversary trip!
27 May 2011 - things worth working toward
baby Mack is here!
meanwhile, reading Joshua. liked the exhortation to give your brothers a place of rest just as He has done for you.
then in chapter 17, Joshua was speaking to the family of Joseph about the hill country, "It's nothing but trees now, but you will clear the land and make it your own from one end to the other." the inheritance was theirs waiting for them, but it required not only faith (in the face of iron chariots) but also hard work (clearing the land). i think it is easy to have neither and be cramped into confined living instead of striving toward the greater good that is available.
25 May 2011 - loving while living
got reacquainted with don miller's blog...and found a lot of helpful and/or interesting items. one entry that was particularly timely was how he was talking about how life happens while you are doing something else. as in so much of life is lived to maintain itself (i think even more when you are married and own a house). he combined this idea with the tower of babel and talked about how God doesn't want us "to replace him or give you the false sense you can interact with him without giving him all agency" but rather, amidst the things we do to love each other, forgive each other, provide for each other all while leaning on God to do so... and give our lives to God. and this was just from one of the many entries i read. . .
24 May 2011 - more think points
found the actual extended seminar notes from a few weeks back... oh. musing on calling & its intersection with the point of most need among non-christians. how can you contribute to human flourishing? is God your pull out helper, or _giving_ you life/meaning in what you're doing?
the speaker also talked on something dave s. has been covering of late as well, the notion of fail early, fail fast. i'm still not really sure what i think about it. i see how failure younger could really help. i guess the fast part just means we shouldn't be afraid to take risks for fear that we will fail. sometimes it is better to be trying than standing still. two more... problem with humanity- wanting all the blessings of God, but the way we want (so easy to compartmentalize areas of our lives). the fear of the LORD diminishes other fears.
23 May 2011 - the gospel says
cfc sermons. pastor paul and how the gospel should cause a change from living to get to *i've already received*. and also what is for you? -where the gospel rings most true, resonates deep. is it- the race is over, stop running! is it- i was an orphan, you adopted me. . .good to think on these things.
15 May 2011 - He sustains the fatherless
stopped by redeemer on the way home, got to hear tim preach on ps. 146, where we see God introduced- which is commonly by the main thing you do. "I have all power but I especially like to exercise my power on behalf of the weak." he said every church should be famous for this stuff. Jesus in the book of Luke makes his introduction similarly with the beginning of isaiah 61, covering the poor and the oppressed, but stopping mid sentence (the day of vengence yet to come)... over time a society is judged by how it treats its weakest members. we live this way because _God_ is this way. and when the world sees us doing justice, they get a glimpse of the glory of God.
14 May 2011 - manifold grace
first wedding with actual notes from the charge, rather than notes on wedding ideas... the pastor spoke about the difference between a contract (think rental car, with all the contingencies listed out, page after page) vs. covenant (perhaps just 3 sentences, no categories, because there are no exceptions, just an unconditional vow). he spoke about making the gospel real, reminding me of eldridge's quote(*'s mine), "Marriage is a stunning picture of what God offers his people. Scripture tells us it is a living metaphor, a walking parable, a *Rembrandt painting of the gospel*. The Enemy knows this, and he hates it with every ounce of his malicious heart. He has no intention of just letting that beautiful portrait be lived out before the world with such deep appeal that no one can resist God's offer." a chance to show God's grace in its many forms, indeed.
12 May 2011 - the weight of those rocks
'needing more to ease the uneasiness of life'... early morning sermon sought out on humility. the rubble-rescued migrant getting the vast costly inheritance of his rescuer. humility, the backside of worship. the humbled to be loved by a God as great as He is, broken heart of love. . .
11 May 2011 - to live is Christ
a tough week, but i'll take it for the lessons and the neediness, having to turn to God. 2 repeats and a newbie:
"And now that I come to think of it, there’s no practical problem before me at all. I know the two great commandments, and I’d better get on with them." lewis
"live now, die later" carmelo's arm
"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." philippians 1:20
7 May 2011 - a good church day
seminar, partially on leadership. it is one thing to hold someone accountability to disciplines, but that isn't really how your heart changes... how can you help so that God brings the heart change. similarly, sometimes you have to dig deeper behind the needs and interests of others. the context is important too.
speaking of context... the same news can draw vastly different responses from different people (ex. it's going to rain tomorrow). in our case, a timely reminder this night that we have a gentle shepherd who carries us everywhere.
06 May 2011 - gimme dat!
The song of the month for April (to follow) was much different than my song of the month for March, Katy's 'The Sands of time are sinking' which i finally got a hold of... Here's April's: the video captures the song so well
i love watching (and listening) to it.
29 April 2011 - let me take you to Rio
watching a free funny movie with my wife would have been enjoyable enough... but it was particularly nice to see a story take place in one of my favorite cities with a picture not only of repentance... but even ultimately adoption and family of those who had none. and yes, love giving wings to flight, too.
26 April 2011 - redeeming the city
we got to explore our neighborhood some this night! it was great fun. it was also nice to see the good of the land, so to speak. while, in the city especially, it is easy for explorers to come back with only negative words of danger and despair... it is also possible to have the vision of caleb and joshua who in the face of similar reports said, "The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the LORD is pleased with us, he will lead us... and will give it to us."
or as a modern urbanite put it, "God made the city for his purposes, and though sin has harmed it, we should use the resources of the gospel to repair broken cities." TK
24 April 2011 - He is not here; He has risen!
an unexpected treat, another pastor paul Easter sermon after all these years... preached on luke 24, where all throughout the text we see, 'Remember how He told you','this is what I told you', 'did not the Sciptures say...'. to the men on the Emmaus road, they did not recognize Jesus by face, but He made Himself known through the Word. their hearts were burning within them. He opened their understanding that they might understand the Scriptures. and He reveals Himself to us as we read more of His Word. As MH says, there's "a golden thread of gospel grace that runs through [even] the whole OT." doubts were easy to come by, even from those closest to it all. but we have something to go to that proves true over and over. even unexpectedly. and we rejoice in the lots of other good words that we are waiting to see come true.
20 April 2011 - You know what i need
"two things You told me
that You are strong
and You love me
yes, You love me
Your love is, Your love is, Your love is strong
so why do i worry... God knows what I need."
19 April 2011 - i have a fig tree
double bonus input day from both the sermon and music world. the cursed fig tree (of Mark 11) actually often comes to mind for me, since we now have a fig tree in the front of our house. but the context must not be lost. Jesus sees the fig tree in leaf, but with no fruit. meanwhile, he sees the temple, not just not a house of prayer, but not a house of prayer _for all nations_. it was the place the non-jews were to worship that was covered with marketplace. this was not to be! and so too we can pray and be passionate that outsiders would not be excluded but brought in.
sanctus real also helps me, because having never been around fig trees, i have no idea how to take care of it or even what to do with figs. " Father, give me the strength To be everything I'm called to be. . .Won't you lead me? Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone."
12 April 2011 - ministry
shufflestanced quite not on purpose into a keller talk on marriage that while i had heard before, certainly hadn't since marriage, and it came at a good time when i am looking for any sorts of inputs, especially such helpful ones. one insight among many was about not letting your spouse be selfish. it seems very easy to do the opposite, but it is not how you are called to love.
10 April 2011 - pepperoni turkey hoagie
wifey surprised me with keller's book 'king's cross' from the library, so i got to read a good chunk of it on our NC trip. it really helped illuminate several passages in Mark. the paralyzed man who wanted to walk again... if his body was healed, and that's all, perhaps he felt he'd never be unhappy.. "but wait 2 months, 4 months, the euphoria won't last. the roots of the discontent of the human heart go deep". he then went on to talk about celebrities who were miserable because the morning after the granting of everything they were striving for that was going to make everything ok, and their lives bearables and provide personal fulfillness and happiness- it had happened. . .and nothing changed. and how it can seem like the granting of your deepest wish is a practical joke. which is precisely why He can't let it be... unless it is in Him, in Jesus who can not just grant the wish, but fulfull it.
he also talked about following the thread and quoted g. macdonald and how the secret of life and development is not to devise and plan... but to do every moment daily aright... and let come- not what will, for there is no such thing- but what [He] wills for each of us, has intended in each of us from the first.
and finally on the transfiguration and those times where you _experience_ what you already know to be true, foretastes to nourish and strengthen you. oh for such glimpses of Truth.
20 March 2011 - prayerade
sermon was particularly helpful, especially in its practicality. on making time to pray, leverage daily habits first. that and other things left me making a list of different items to pray for each morning. which would be a good start in efforts to pray 'recurring and frequently, without stopping the recurrences.'
18 March 2011 - dynasty
celebrated 6 months with szechuan. our meal perhaps can tell some of the bigger story. tried the dan dan noodles. [some things in life are pretty standard... but still good] also got the spicy cucumbers, since that is a dish we also make. [known quantity that gets even better]. dry fry pork, or something like that (it was hard to choose the last dish). [an unknown quantity going in, but worked out well]. of course there are also unexpected surprises that are not good at all, which you don't want to order.
everything was very spicy, but more at my level. it would have been better to be at the spice level of the least spiciest. thus being still spicy but more enjoyable for all. [you learn as you go] but the big thing about ordering together, you both have input, and the outcome you're in it together whatever comes your way. so... [asking for help is a good idea]. and water refills are a welcome sight along the way. not to mention ice cream!
13 March 2011 - happy day
best birthday ever! because it's better to give than receive...
my wife's first birthday as a wife. here's to even better birthdays in the future, and more days of grace still to come. . .
5 March 2011 - my Father's world
song of the weekend-
This is my Father's world,
and to my listening ears
all nature sings, and round me rings. . .
This is my Father's world,
the birds their carols raise,
the morning light, the lily white,
declare their maker's praise.
This is my Father's world:
he shines in all that's fair...
This is my Father's world.
O let me ne'er forget
that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father's world:
why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is King; let the heavens ring! God reigns; let the earth be glad!
27 February 2011 - life of David
been reading through the life of David of late and it has been very captivating. besides noticing new connections, it's also been a continuation of seeing the ugliness of sin, over and over. all this in the midst of a real epic story. and yet God. David, surprised to be loved. And near the end of his life... God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before Him. and it's in acts where God says he was "a man after my own heart." David knew that apart from the Lord he had no good thing.
22 February 2011 - end of an era
carmelo traded. after all these years of watching him on the nuggets, quite strange. but we did get to see his last game. and good things could come to both teams, but still takes some adjusting to...
been pondering what it would look like to start an orphan ministry at a church. i've looked at websites where they tell you how to do it (where i got the idea) but it still seems sort of amorphous to me. but i did watch an Orphan Sunday service a California church had, and it seemed amazing, yet doable. these are my thoughts of late.
13 February 2011 - mirrored reflection
Sabbaths are back! and i'm loving it. also enjoying Valentine's Day weekend. feeling well loved and enjoying gift buying. even when expressions often don't turn out as hoped. in some ways feeble failures are better. when they leave room for love.
6 February 2011 - learning how to die
"With this announcement, it feels like my first death." Ronaldo, the all time World Cup goal scorer, on his retirement from soccer.
it's been covered here in anticipation a year before, and since then the lessons have indeed come. today it was words from a wise dear old friend... on how life is a series of deaths. but often those deaths have to come so that something else can come in its place.
"all along i thought i was learning how to take, how to bend and not to break, how to live not how to cry, really i've been learning how to die" jon foreman
and it's all part of His wise plan. the trick then is to not live in the past, mourning the lost seasons-- the Ecclesiastical notion of, "do not say why were the old days better then these? For it is not wise to ask such questions." and thankfully it is the death of winter that brings spring. and the resurrection that makes the christian life the one where the days just get longer and longer. the night reaching its end. . .anticipating sunrise.
31 January 2011 - Genesis
listening to the whole mars hill sermon series (almost 50!) on genesis. lots of interesting things to think on, here's obviously just some... overall helpful to see sin as sin (granted sooo much of it) and not just part of a story i am used to. It was really interesting to think more on Judah's life. And see the grace God poured into His life, producing such a change in Him... from selling his brother into slavery, and it would get worse from there, to being brought to the point where he would be willing to lay his life down. and of course the Joseph naarative, of which I am always eager to glean more. did Joseph wonder- why has my dad not come looking for me? then the aspect of Benjamin's portion I somehow missed before- again the brothers are faced with favoritism, how would they react? and we see the beauty of Genesis, amidst so much mess and brokenness, family issues all over the place, grace breaks through, and redemption starts to push its way through the fiasco of humanity. and from the clan of Judah, that Judah, a Lion would come. and Hope would be here to stay.
09 January 2011 - You hold me now
hillsong united, song of the year thus far... "In this life I will stand, Through my joy and my pain, Knowing there's a greater day, There's a hope that never fails, Where Your Name is lifted high And forever praises rise For the glory of Your Name, I'm believing for the day"
also watched Oliver Twist, good movie. "Children are out there like this, i'm sitting here eating soup! i'm angry..."
"Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is heaven. . ."
05 January 2011 - fiery furnace
last wednesday. acting out the fiery furnace. hotter than normal. but there was another One in among us.
and less than a year since my most memorable package received at work ever, our wedding album(s) arrived! not quite as dramatic, but still a near and ever-present Help on the scene.
04 January 2011 - john the baptist biker
this entry is purely because i crack myself up. so, i usually walk my wife to the trolley, then i bike to work when the trolley comes. inevitably i pass by crowds of people leering up the street, anxiously waiting for the trolley. and i have to fight the urge to yell out to the masses- it's coming! one greater than me will soon be here. . .
03 January 2011 - 1, 2, 3
and 2011 is here... toasting it in. then praising on drums, amidst some difficulty. and then today hurrying home from work and to God's Word. the good thing about roles over your head is when they make you run for Help. "The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.” ecclesiastes 7:8
31 December 2010 - each day gets better
year in review will look a little different this year, because things are different this year. it is hard to even see 2010 as a 12 month year, as opposed to just thinking of life since september and life pre-marriage. it was quite a whirlwind year- from trying to get engaged, to planning a wedding, to being married... wow. it was hard to leave room for introspection, which has always previously been abundant for me in large doses, even amidst busyness. and now days are much less distinct. in some ways introspection must look different for me now. and that's something i'm still learning. meanwhile, you are not missing out on the year to the extent that it was still documented here as i went along, the pains and the joys. turns out i was right, that it would be a hard year. but i could never have envisioned the actual ways it turned out to be so. such is the nature of life. casseroled with alternating layers of unexpectedness, grace, confusion, and more grace. meanwhile, mello yello wasn't just back, it was free flow. no better captured than with friends and family drinking it all around me on our wedding day.
i would be tempted to let the rest of my summarizing be a sort of marital advice, but one of the things i learned almost immediately was that people are so different, your experiences will not be the same. the tendency (though well intentioned) is to share mistakes made (or even things that worked), but meanwhile your actual issues are likely very different. that being said, i am quite thankful to understand my married friends in ways i couldn't before. and i've already seen times that single people's perception or grasp of the situation or decision at hand was incomplete, as mine was. but so it is. there is a certain sense in which the more you understand going in the better, because once you are in the club you no longer can even view things objectively. and by that i mean the vow is such a precious thing that it does stand as a historical divide. whatever my occupation was before, it is now love, from this day and forevermore. and how great is that. only possible because the One who called you is faithful and He will do it.
26 December 2010 - i like to read
got walter wangernin's book "As for me and my house', the first of many books on marriage i was hoping to tackle. but unfortunately i can't find it (lost in the snow??). so i can share from memory only. aside from stressing how essential forgiveness is (very), he also talked about it how it can be good to view your marriage as a third entity, as in there's you, your spouse, and also the relationship. it then more easily becomes something you can work on together.
19 December 2010 - time in our house
the first few months have been full of many things. i've enjoyed cooking a different thing every day this month... but still can't match wifey's new expertise with all things bread and pizza (among other things). it's also been nice to see the house slowly come together, a little at a time. and we've also spent quite a bit of time in narnia, reading through the whole series aloud! the most interesting of the 6 books new to me was the last one, The Last Battle. it is hard to put a finger on what i like about it so far. but even in the storyline- a donkey going around with a lion skin on him. and people acting as if it was Aslan. Had it been so long since they experienced the true Aslan? their God was just a donkey. Not a real lion, much less One whose roar can silence all the questions.
16 December 2010 - balancing act
keller quoting luther of something to the effect of how all history is like a drunk person, first falling off the left side of the horse, then the right. we over-correct. like trying to balance faithfulness versus heart. and we can end up missing both. and i think of something said at the ccef conference (on marriage)- how if there are two sides of a train track, it is easy to be in connection with one rail or the other. but we need to keep both worship and "love in the details" in our sights.
02 December 2010 - on their level
another good input source of late has been online sermons (i know, no surprise), most recently those of mars hill. his sermons on marriage were particularly helpful in the face of my continued state of cluelessness. but it's actually some of his parenting takes that have stood out the most, and of which i hope to make application of some day or even with my current kids. i think the ability for such techniques to work comes on the basis of the strong relationship. and it's building those foundations which i should figure out how to implement.
28 November 2010 - to yearn for the vast and endless sea
it's been a welcome influx of inputs of all things CCEF of late, from the conference to cds to more. which is not a bad thing. it is interesting how some areas we are more willing to let culture (through magazines) lead us than we realize. when rather dissemination of God's truth is always the best option.
a discussion of confession at the conference was also for helpful for me, as i am particularly bad at it. the first thought always seems to be - what bad things did i do this week. it is imperative to remember not just that, but to confess the things undone, thoughts, words, _and_ deed.
many more cds still to listen to, but we listened to one on praying together. this quote by Antoine De Saint-Exupéry stood out, shared in the context of reason... "If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea."
23 November 2010 - dispensing the indispensable
enjoying time off with family. meanwhile, moved on to ephesians. from the Message, "Mostly what God does is love you. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of Himself to us. . .God's Word is an indispensable weapon. pray hard and long."
15 November 2010 - covering the mistakes of others
it is one thing to pay for your mistakes. you fail to do something, and then you have to pay the consequences. it is a different matter altogether to cover the mistakes of others. paying a cost that you seem to not deserve. it's the good samaritan who left his own money and said i will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have. it's paul saying of onesimus - If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. . .I will pay it back. meanwhile, i can have trouble giving up a seat when i think i deserve it! clearly not the attitude of a slave of Christ whose slogan is "No rights". And these examples stand out to the extent that they do mirror Christ's love, who showed the ultimate example of giving undeserved gifts and covering the mistakes of others, at great expense. and it is this tough calling i must continue to run after. "if the burdens of others are not my burdens too, and their joys mine, then i know nothing of calvary love." amy carmichael
9 November 2010 - prizing what
still adjusting to many things. first day of concerted morning Word efforts with notes, proved to be a good day for it. one take away from philippians- "to prize what is of real value"
8 November 2010 - familiar story
monday soccer has provided fun times, needed exercise, classic finishes... even nice bike rides - culminating in tonight's four goal game. we were down early, the other team was pushing us around, making the last goals all the more sweeter. crushing a free kick beautifully in the net somehow after they sent one of our players off, then later shaking off the challenge before sending a rocket into the back of the net.
i know i've quoted part of this classic cross movement song before, but fitting to quote it now (expanded).
"Jesus Christ came and climbed in our place and took the cross, took a loss tasted death then shook it off
Rose in three said roll with me like rotary now look at ya'll Making noise with crazy joy like young bucks when they play with toys"
5 October 2010 - remember
love others as well as you love yourself. but it is all too often easier to know how to love yourself. but learning commences. and meanwhile humility is the course. following in His steps. it's not about me. who am i to be such an heir to such grace. . .to even walk this way, and try to walk that path. of which, "this is the very best way to love"
2 October 2010 - return from the francophone
amazing first full day at home, including a walk through the park. our trip was quite good, in spite of purse uncertainties and airport delay and nutella confiscation. we came up with our trip awards on the way back over the atlantic. our best meal was the one we shared on the Seine. but it was nice to find some chinese food in paris as well, near our hotel and its eiffel view... i also enjoyed my birthday pizza greatly. as for best ice cream, that proved much harder. . .since we had so much. then, great moments in montreal provided a nice ending.
18 September 2010 - how beautiful
not that i was actually blogging on this full everything-went-so-fast day. so many things went not as planned... but the day was a success. it was such a beautiful day, all the more so because of the people who were there. many moments to remember- worship tears, loud vows, genesis laughing, the kiss, everyone drinking mello yello, bacon-wrapped deliciousness, great toasts, last dance song, amazing time at the overlook, exhanging wedding gifts, drinking 14.5 year old mello yello, and of course i could go on and on... but i'll end in song and verse that act as a prayer.
"O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be."
"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:11-13
12 September 2010 - ohana
a california wedding proved a nice getaway amidst the craziness of planning (and yielded an excitingly unexpected finding of sunkist citrus fusion!). this topic is overdue but the question is how to put it... thinking about new name, new family- and multiple contexts. and how beautiful it is what God does. how God provides family after family after family. families which come in many shapes and sizes, but containing certain demarcations. God sets the lonely in families. And some people take that truth and become part of making it happen.
The first time "new name" is mentioned in the Bible, it's in Isaiah 62. but before that we see God handing out new names, often as part of a covenant... sarai to abram, given new names, linked to their identity.
"you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow. You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the LORD will take delight in you, and your land will be married. As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you."
08 September 2010 - growing in love
i measured all the kids on the wall tonight. we're going to check back each month to see how much they've grown. the lesson was on growing in love. just as they grow in height, we need to always keep growing in love. even after we stop making progress on wall charts...
05 September 2010 - more tears
right after a great bachelor party weekend full of food and fun and dunking... another confusing sad turn to the year. i hate how the enemy assails most malevolently those things that God values the most.
01 September 2010 - on worthwhile surprises
some surprises are worth waiting for. . .even if you find a delightful christmas present hidden in the closet, you can't use it until christmas, and the joy of the surprise is stolen. but seeing the big package- wrapped, is enough to stir excitement.
meanwhile, there are other unknown things that might be better to know beforehand. like news that is hard to digest. or things that are different than you thought. wait, we are having a quiz on this? as adam sandler put it- "you know that information really would've been more useful to me YESTERDAY".
29 August 2010 - exhaustion... is my middle name
it's been said that pressure makes diamonds. and it does. but apparently very specific conditions are also required. and sometimes i don't have those... and so i just have the cracks of too much bearing down. but i have a Helper, and today He took me to the porch swing. and later more help, as we prayed for more grace.
20 August 2010 - date night
fiancee and i talked about dreams for our first year of marriage and prayed for them! and she got me new pens! we practiced french and we opened our first wedding presents, among other things... more of the getting ready, but not there yet. but thankful to leave our hopes in His hands.
16 August 2010 - the value of things, part II
more thoughts on the value of things. take the sunday school curriculum- the first thing we had mailed to our new house, and it was stolen. to the person who took it- it undoubtedly seemed valuable, a big box arriving by mail. But i'm guessing when she/he opened it was somewhat disappointed- it was not a computer or other valuable item that would have a high resale value. there would probably not be a market for it amongst his/her friends. even though it did cost a good deal of money. but on the chance the stealer was to actually have read the material and encountered Jesus: priceless- to them and to me.
13 August 2010 - resurrection, inspiration
the stories of friends coming to know Jesus never grow old.
11 August 2010 - Heaven
good time at church tonight where with my great helper we all dreamed about and drew some of those many, many rooms. and we talked about Jesus, and how He ascended and how He prepared a place for us. and we danced around to some songs and the excitement was not in short supply.
2 August 2010 - more on preparing a place
week full of errands- while on my own, getting everything ready... taking care of as many house and big things as possible. tonight the memorable furniture swap by myself in the van- quite a challenge, leaving me drenched. remedied by a mello i downed not very far into my long drive.
the cares of this world are a handful, as already mentioned here. but when they can double as an act of love, they are far more manageable. very late nights... but preparing a place for love to be at home.
25 July 2010 - after the waiting
ah sundays. . .another good one. read psalm 27 at church with friends visiting- You have been my helper... I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
and afterward it was dinner with friends near, friends far, and lime chicken!
16 July 2010 - more than just eating
sometimes it is like 2 separate days, work and post-work. as for work, it humbles. sometimes there is nothing you can do but eat it... when you are not in charge. and there to work for others. but as with other things in close quarters, i think people can forget they are on the same team. after work, it was another attempt to gobble up as much wisdom from others as we can. an encouraging night getting insight on the church issue and other discussion. it is neat to see how God can bring things back around. how He is able to take our desires and use them in His time. and in that there is freedom to go forward in faith. He does have good plans for us, really good plans.
13 July 2010 - on mouthguards
conflict is not fun. tiredness is tricky. speech is not quite as nice from those who have been punched in the mouth. or from those who wear a mouthguard.
12 July 2010 - and so it begins
registering is fun.
11 July 2010 - that where I am you may also be
what a nice day... from banana pancakes morning to the world cup final and more. on our visit to the mansion we discovered that caretakers actually live there. and heard the funny story of how kids that grew up there that later moved to a 'regular house' found it so small. somehow i think our experience will prove the opposite. and i don't just mean mine of recently moving from a 2 room apt to a big ol' house. the OT talk of the spacious promised land, and the psalms about Him rescuing us and bringing us to a spacious place, lead me to think that that is a little what Heaven will feel like- a place to run free. no longer hemmed in by the confining restrictions of sin. free to run, and laugh, and sing- all praise.
all this left me singing this song... "In my Father's house there are many, many rooms In my Father's house there are many, many rooms And I'm going up there now to prepare a place for you That where I am, there you may also be"
10 July 2010 - long time coming
Carmelo wedding day, but as for us, we were at Longwood Gardens! -- i believe our last of the big philly gardens to visit together.
30 June 2010 - You haven't lost me yet
a day of tears... starting with a last walk to work. farewell to my residence of so long. living in a new house, while the dying begins.
this switchfoot song the song of the day, for sure:
I've lost myself or most of me I'm headed for the final precipice --
But you haven't lost me yet
No, you haven't lost me yet
I'll sing until my heart caves in
No, you haven't lost me yet...
If it doesn't break
If it doesn't break your heart
It isn't love. . .
no You haven't lost me yet.
29 June 2010 - more of Your mercies
moving day, actually for me for once... after 11 years. thankful for all the nice help in the heat, and His mercy. a day for lots of mello yello indeed.
21 June 2010 - His provision is rich
we've(?) already covered in the space how God provided for such big things as a house, but it should also be documented what i'll call the wedding hookup. hard work alone (i researched over 100 locations) could not have enabled such a dream setup as what God provided. it turned out that what we were looking for (i won't list the details, but it was just a few things) was a lot harder to find than you might think, leaving us with only a few possible locations... even with those it seemed like we would have to compromise on something, as time was running short, and the grueling process seemed to have already run its course, looking into every possibility. but we did the best we could do (as in we prayed) and God provided 2 locations we are excited about, right in Philly like we wanted! thankful for God's rich provision, and just like with the wedding, i hope that He gets glory. in this case, it is easy. . .
19 June 2010 - the value of things
making progress with the massive task that is known as packing my apartment, thanks to help from a friend. musing on the value of things, and how it can change over time. another one of those pretty obvious yet also deep truths... some lose value, but some gain. while this has always been a bigger issue for me than most, i realize it is also more multifaceted than you might think. also, many things have greater meaning than their intrinsic essence. think of the journey a wedding ring takes through its lifetime.
17 June 2010 - farewell to a longtime favorite
enjoying the roof and trying to make the most of the last days (while a MT resident). tonight it was a memorable roof party with kw and dominoes pizza!
12 June 2010 - kick it
after waiting long for it to come, the World Cup is finally here! ...it was a good soccer day.
1 June 2010 - off-roading
praying, after quite the week... as proverbs says, "each heart knows its own bitterness." while some things cannot be fully shared, prayer proves quite the vehicle to go through (offroading, perhaps even cliff jumping) with a friend. and it was good to pray through the Bible tonight and to take God at His Word and see what He will do. Though everyone's journey is rough, it is never the same path... but it should be encouraging to know others whose wheels were stuck in the mud, not moving, spinning backwards even, that ride smooth today, because God, the One who calls you, is faithful and He will do it.
24 May 2010 - cares of this world
"But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world— how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided." it is so true, how much time, how much focus it takes...to no longer able to be focused on just one thing, it becomes easier to at times even lose sight of it. such is the changing from one season to the next. often the change from the crisp days of fall to the winter chill is hard to notice before it is all of a sudden here, since it is a gradual change... but sure enough you look out and the trees are bare. so it is, mourning losses of one season, yet celebrating joys of the next- perhaps akin to nights by the fireplace after frolicking in freshly fallen snow.
23 May 2010 - yellow calla lillies
kids sang this to me at church today :)
"You're handsome, You're handsome, You're really, really handsome. You're handsome, you're handsome, you're nice!" ha ha...
but even better were some beautiful yellow calla lillies i got yesterday.
and today i bought a mello yello at the 15th & Spruce CVS, and it didn't even matter that it was overpriced.
20 May 2010 - called to love and lovin' it
what I thought was excuse, I understand is duty.
and good at that. "this is my commandment that you love one another, that your joy may be full." Word once again proved so true.
17 May, 2010 - the sickness is myself
loving the newest switchfoot album!
"There ain't no drug
There ain't no drug
No drugs to make me well
There ain't no drug
It's not enough
I'm breaking up
The sickness is myself
The sickness is myself
I made a mess of me
I wanna get back the rest of me
I've made a mess of me
I wanna spend the rest of my life alive!"
15 May, 2010 - take that, haters
2000 is now retro. how crazy is that... throwing out the rest of my bottle decorations today. the newest of which are from the keep smooth days. just in time for a new era of free flow. another design, old made new. new and improved.
06 May 2010 - they should put that in a bottle
could it be? after at least 12 years, right?... mello yello can once again be found in philadelphia in bottle form! thanks to a tip from a friend, i was on to a nearby pizza shop where i bought 2 20 ouncers. oh the goodness- what a day!!
1 May 2010 - ode to God's provision
today was a good day. there are many reasons, but i'll just comment on one. many of you know my story of how God provided my amazing apt. that i've lived in the last eleven years. to me that was a great reminder to pray and trust that God could provide for me again as i embarked on the house search. after seeing many houses with major issues despite the photos and wondering if there were any decent prospects available, after seeing all the houses in the most desired neighborhood gobbled up immediately, with time running out, it was easy to wonder what would happen.
but once again God provided beyond expectation... that was seen especially so in today's inspection. rather than having to find out about unexpected problems that we'd have to deal with... we actually encountered unexpected surprises. our inspector being more than once surprised at the highest quality upgrades. and learning about new features of the house that we didn't even know of that leave us room for exciting improvements. and that of course in addition to finding everything else we were looking for on our initial list, from rooms to location to garden (not to mention the much lower than expected price)... and again there is a (new) story to be told of answered prayer and provision for needs.
29 April 2010 - this love that will remain
there is a time for everything. today it was time to say goodbye to some of my green and yellow decorations. tomorrow, time to give notice. now, time to leave you with some hillsong united,
"The second chance I've gained...
On You I throw my life
Casting all my fears aside
How could greater love than this
Ever possibly exist. . .And I'll wait upon You now
Dedicated to Your will
To this love that will remain
A love that never fails"
25 April 2010 - giving everything you have
some people have more skills than others, perhaps a better speaker, more education, whatnot. But that doesn't mean they will be more useful. what is far more important is how available the person is. Someone just 'average', but fully given, can be of great use in God's hands. I have a feeling that on the day Jesus fed the 5000 there was someone in that huge crowd with access to more food than a few loaves and a couple of fish. But it was the young boy who fed (ah, who with Jesus help fed) thousands because he gave everything he had to Jesus. Jesus took it, blessed it, broke it, and then used it. And so the pattern can be with our lives. If you offer whatever it is that fills your life… even the pain and brokenness, if you offer it to God, He will redeem it, He will use it, He will multiply it like only kingdom math can.
23 April 2010 - worthy of the calling
hard week. meanwhile, just been rereading ephesians 4 of late. Wanting to soak up some practical Biblical to do's. the part that is hard to get beyond is "live a life worthy of the calling you have received". verse association: Jesus. Humble. Patient. Loving. Pig sty vs. son...
21 April 2010 - on worthwhile drama
i feel like i'm only going to get at the edges of this topic i want to discuss because i don't know yet how to best put it words. if you read the Bible there are many stories that sound sort of amazing- like wow that happened to that guy... that doesn't happen to me or my friends. (he had to be lowered in a basket to escape a city, he came across a guy reading Isaiah that wanted to know how it applied to him, people threatened to worship them, a jailer saved in an earthquake, a shipwreck brought to safety, etc.)
there are many reasons to consider, if this is not happening. the primary, the natural tendency is probably to try to avoid such uncomfortable situations... and to seek comfort instead. as opposed to the warning, 'woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort.' Luke 6
Secondly, these are most likely going to happen to someone who _wants_ to seek first God's kingdom, and who puts himself in those places where such opportunites are ripe. But by wants I mean really wants, as there are 2 different kinds of desires. You can 'want' water ice, as in you like the concept of water ice but it doesn't nec. move you to action (you gladly eat it if someone gives it to you but you don't go search the city for it) OR you can 'want' water ice so much that you make it a priority, plan around it, you drive there before closing, bring a B1G1F and get the water ice because you really like it. the catch is there is a lot more at stake with Jesus than with water ice. both in terms of enemies and opposition that come and in terms of gain, so the level of want becomes an even weightier issue. if a long line for water ice turns you away, what of the rocks and tears?
"Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.
Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man."
15 April 2010 - on disagreements and second chances
had a really good time at sg. one thing we talked about was paul and barnabas' disagreement over John (Mark), who had deserted them and the work before. Paul didn't want him to come, and so Paul and Barnabas ended up splitting up as travel partners. This is all the more interesting because Paul was only able to rise to prominence after Barnabas stood up for him when everyone else was scared and didn't trust that his conversion was real. Their disagreement is also interesting to me because i've faced similar situations where mutual friends have ended friendships because of disagreements on faith expressed through action. my tendency is to give the other person more chances. i think the encouragement from this passage is that God can work through people of both kinds, the chance giver, and the hardliner. in this case, not only did paul and silas go on to many good adventures, it also seems like later mark was still sailing the course and paul was working along in coordination with him as well.
14 April 2010 - punishment
as usual, it was enlightening to try and teach children. tonight we were talking about punishment- what it means, who needs it, why it's around.
and how for us it is linked with really good news... Someone was punished even though He was the only one ever who didn't deserve it. That was our punishment He took!
"If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared." from psalm 130
9 April 2010 - on firm foundations
so the house buying process so far has been an interesting one. trying to remember to trust God not an address. and then dealing with a failed offer. trying to hope in the Lord and not tree lined streets... because if the hope is actually in Him, that's when it will not be disappointed.
04 April 2010 - my name is resurrection
there are old ways to say it, like the song i hear often at work from church bells down the street:
Christ the Lord is risen today, Alleluia!...
Lives again our glorious King, Alleluia!
Where, O death, is now thy sting? Alleluia!...
Made like him, like him we rise, Alleluia!
Ours the cross, the grave, the skies, Alleluia!
And there are new ways to say it, like this song i heard on the radio
but in light of resurrection, it is easy to see why everybunny should love Easter!
27 March 2010 - all about the promise
the finale to the month of counseling, where else? redeemer... conveniently located in the land of bulgogi burgers! yes, it's true.
still need to go through my packet more and do homework, but i can still share a little. marriage is a covenant, and a covenant is a promise. (furry) animals can't make promises, but humans can. we can't promise to love another person perfectly, but we can vow to love them and keep on loving them. marriage is not as much about the love that is currently around, but about the promise of that future love, which is even more amazing. . . because who knows what will come, not to mention the inevitable redemptive confrontation that so defines marriage. glad to know it is the vow encouched in the greater covenant, God's covenanted love to us... till the end.
20 March 2010 - spring is coming
one of the fullest days i can remember in quite some time, ib-definitely-nlt free water ice day, my first attempt at a szechuan meal all from my new book, and city church seminar. from the latter- it's not just the veracity of words that matter, the manner can keep even true words from getting through. and the fridge: if the fridge represents the problem, it's a lot easier to move from the same side, as opposed to opposite sides. ok this too- His mercies new every morning.
17 March 2010 - spoiled
on Wednesdays I've been going through one of Sinclair's question and answer books with the kids. Recently we talked about how the world was just how he intended it when he created it, and then today we talked about how sin spoiled it… like spoiled fruit! Or other spoiled food. . .I've seen quite my share, that is a pretty good picture.
13 March 2010 - we gonna party like it's your birthday
we had a party to SSyng psySSahbuSS cupcakes! the failure of surprise on this endeavor all the more highlights the success of the surprise attempt of last month. or something.
06 March 2010 - differences abound, but the goal is the same
the more you get to know someone, the easier it is to see differences... differences which can materialize to contempt if gazed at so long they block the greater person, made in the image of God. the thing to remember is- most likely in this context in which you are getting to know this person, this person is not really out to get you. it's more likely that you just need to see beyond the thing you don't like, understand the differences so you won't be wounded by it.
as with many other aspects, things will go deeper as the relationship progresses, including conversations.
24 February 2010 - family tree
the theme starts early- God putting the lonely in families... even with Adam, for it is not good for man to be alone.
it has been said one of the best ways for children to understand the gospel is in the context of God's invitation to His family. And we see in the family trees in the Bible, God calling the unexpected to be a part of what He is doing. Adopting as many as would join the family.
14 February 2010 - this thing love
best valentine's day ever.
some things wait until the moment is right. some tears. some love. some prayer piled up, not so much unanswered but answered in far better time than we can imagine.
the love statue from a distance. fuzzy. now we see in part. one day in a whole. now it's like a cloudy mirror. but one day we'll all see love as it is. then we will get it. then how much more of a 'now it comes'. what we've been glimpsing in moments all along will no longer be dulled by the off moments. no rather the grin will break out into all out laughing smile shout of joy. the dancing will- can't help but to jump and sing along to that song- He loves me...
12 February 2010 - love
it is also the theme of the Bible (whether in French or English). From the opening pages- a walk in the garden, to even more telling, clothing from skins... to the middle- His 33 years of talking to others, healing many, and gathering children to Himself, to laying down his life for His friends...to the end- the city He loves, Zion, with its people made ready, ready for the greatest wedding feast of them all.
10 February 2010 - on big backpacks
cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 1 peter 5:7
sometimes this burden casting has to be a very active thing. let me give you a picture. say you have a big backpack (think Jefferson backpack big!)... to even hand that to someone takes quite some effort, putting your hands under it and hoisting it over to the one who will carry your load for you. and so it is with our burdens... they can be large and weigh us down. but we can (and must) actively put them on one who can carry them. One who carried a far greater load. And who in doing so proved He cares about these things too.
9 February 2010 - the grace that could be yours
ok, ok, just one more Keller book inspired entry. Jonah's story is encouraging. Someone clearly mentored by God (think big fish) who has the moment of realization (the whole 'those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs') in chapter 2 of his life story... yet when an exposing moment arises later (forgiveness for his enemy in his case) it is clear the idol is not gone, as his heart motives are clearly displayed, he even tells God he wants to die. you might say- uh, doesn't sound very encouraging. but it is for someone who's seen the whale and wonders how in the world can i still struggle with the deep longings of my heart. . .little by little, every day, little by little in every way, He's changing me. And God grew some shade for Jonah. _He_ didn't just say- I've had it! Just like He was patient with Ninevah, He was patient with the lessons for Jonah. And so we must continue to let the truths of the gospel seep into our lives. It is one thing to believe something in your mind, it is another entirely when truth so grips your heart that it effects all you think, feel, and do.
08 February 2010 - cosmic disillusionment
finished book three of the year, the aforementioned keller, in addition to home buying for dummies. i like how he opens up a Biblical naarative for each chapter/topic, shedding new insights all over the place. in the love chapter (love is not all you need) he talks about how through all of life there runs a ground note of cosmic disillusionment. how no matter what we put our hopes in, in the morning, --it is always Leah, never Rachel--. things here never quite keep their promise, even the best of things. we see this in all of our lives, but especially in the things upon which we most set our hopes. there are several ways people respond to this, but the best is reorienting the entire focus of your life on God. as cs lewis put it- if i find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that i was made for another world.
06 February 2010 - follow the leader
it can be hard to follow a leader who is error prone, or even whose good qualities tend towards inefficiency. when you are going into a battle, the stakes are even higher. you want someone you can trust to follow when it's all on the line. and so how good it is to follow someone who is trustworthy and true... someone who perfectly leads even through the valley of the shadow of death. and someone who when it all was on the line took the fall to get us there... when we wouldn't have made it on our own.
04 February 2010 - tyranny of the urgent
ran across my old 'tyranny of the urgent' printout. a good read for me any time. here's some of it..."The gospel records show that Jesus worked hard. . .Yet His life was never feverish; He had time for people. . .Here is the secret of Jesus' life and work for God: He prayerfully waited for His Father's instructions and for the strength to follow them...He discerned his Father's will day by day in a life of prayer. By this means He warded off the urgent and accomplished the important." He went on to talk how the root of sin is self-sufficiency and how the opposite is prayerful waiting on God and meditating on His Word. It's not God who loads us till we crack. He knows our limitations. Jesus didnt finish all the urgent tasks in Palestine...but He did finish the work which God gave Him to do. And sometimes that meant being interrupted.
24 January 2010 - a little princess
finished first book of year. one of the big themes was that of belonging. becoming family is an amazing thing. and i think that is also one of the best invitations of the christian faith... to be called part of a family. to be loved like _that_. to have brothers and sisters to clown with, cry with, and drink tea.
"You set in Your family/ Calling me Your own/ Now I, I belong to You" hillsong
"if you are longing for a place of belonging, the Home you've dreamed of is waiting for you" geoff moore
and like in the story even in the no good down duldrums days where noone appreciates us we go on with the faith of a little princess even when we taste hunger and feel cold. caring for others amidst the ache. we do have an inheritance, and a Father who dotes on us. whose fortune provides for us even in our sleep.
22 January 2010 - syrupy sweet
we went ice skating and i didn't fall once the entire time, even in fast races whirring between a sea of others.
21 January 2010 - witness
cleveland, so i'm thinking what it means to be a witness. like the time near the end of mj's career, we got seats in the way up, just to see him. and of course i think of acts 1:8, witnesses local, farther, and even to the ends of the earth. a witness by nature is a contagious thing, right... when you see something great, how do you not tell others. and then they want to see too. how much more when it's not just the greatest at something, but the greatest Someone. which leads to perhaps the most interesting verse including witnesses- "since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
20 January 2010 - song of the day
oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all... How He Loves
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves!
19 January 2010 - cut up
i fittingly cut myself at work today in my hurried maneuvering with my staple remover.
"And as for us, why do we endanger ourselves every hour? I die every day—I mean that, brothers— just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord. If I fought wild beasts in Ephesus for merely human reasons, what have I gained?" 1 corin. 15
"see in it a chance to die" a. carmichael
15 January 2010 - leadership
it's been said, "Leadership is figuring out what needs to be done and then doing it."
i'm far more likely to take the lead when the void is clear, and the stakes are high. but when there are others who could or should lead the way, i am much much more likely to sit in the background. still need to figure out how to lead the other times i should lead and how to get things done when i'm not the one in position to do them.
14 January 2010 - the far-off country
you're overdue for some lewis, weight of glory- "there is something self-defeating about human desire: that which is desired, when achieved, seems to leave the desire unsatisfied. the books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust them; it was not in them, in only came through them, and what came through them was longing. these things- the beauty, the memory of our own past- are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. for they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have not visited."
13 January 2010 - God's mercy
tough night, but through it less
